


A Beginners Guide

by jennandblitz, WolfstarPups90



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftercare, Awkward Sexual Situations, BDSM, Begging, Blindfolds, Bondage, Come play, Dirty Talk, Dom!Remus, Domspace, Educational, Its porn with feelings and a plot, Literally a Beginners Guide to having safe sane and consensual kinky sex, M/M, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Self-Discovery, Spanking, Sub!Sirius, Subspace, but with feelings, porn sort of is the plot, punishment kink, wholesome filth, with definitions and healthy learning experiences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22563385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandblitz/pseuds/jennandblitz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: Sirius and Remus have been together since University. They were each other's firsts in lots of ways, but now they both want to try something a little...different. after a disastrous first attempt, they decide to embrace their more -unconventional desires- and learn to navigate their newfound dynamic while discovering things they never knew about themselves and each other.And boy, are they in for a wild ride!
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 60
Kudos: 363





	1. Chapter One: BDSM

_**BDSM:** a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. _

* * *

_Well_ , Sirius thought, confronted only with the view of the inside of an admittedly poor excuse for a blindfold, _this wasn’t what I was expecting_. He could feel the skin of his wrists beneath the awful plastic handcuffs was sweaty and clammy, on the verge of turning red-raw from the contact.

Fantasising had been completely different: imagining how hot it would be, how _cathartic_ it would be to be tied up and subjected entirely to the whims of his boyfriend, to just _do_ what he was told to do and do a _good job_ at it. But _this?_ This was a little different. It was still hot, of course — because, well, Sirius was naked and so was Remus, and he was imminently going to get some part of him touched — but it wasn’t… _brimming with electricity and frisson_ like he had expected.

When he’d brought it up with Remus about a month ago, the other man had been intrigued—tentatively so, because Remus rarely showed an unbridled enthusiasm for anything that wasn’t dry sarcasm or a really fantastic tea—and they’d done some equally tentative internet searching. After a lot of _umming and ahhing,_ they agreed to start with something simple and ordered a blindfold and handcuffs. The package had even sat on the dresser for a few weeks, neither of them quite wanting to take the next step of opening it and pulling out those things and actually putting them to use. Tonight, they’d finally decided to take the plunge.

Of course, they’d swiftly realised once Sirius’ hands were cuffed to the headboard and the blindfold was around his eyes, that they’d failed to plan any further than this exact moment.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Remus?”

Remus sounded a little surprised. “Err, yes, Sirius? Ah… what now?”

“You tell me,” Sirius said, licking his lips. 

“I...Tell you what, though? What, er...what do you want me to do with you? Or-or to you?” 

Sirius frowned behind the blindfold. This hadn’t been part of the fantasy. He didn’t want to have to _tell_ Remus what he wanted him to do; wasn’t that the point? “Whatever _you_ want. C’mon, you’ve got me all tied up and at your mercy, yeah?” He arched his hips up a bit in a way that he hoped Remus would find enticing.

“Well, err,” Remus said, sounding sort of strangled in that way he did when Sirius caught him at the grocery store buying that motorcycle magazine that ‘mysteriously’ appeared on their coffee table every month. “It’s _your_ fantasy, you know? What happens next, in the fantasy, once they’ve—I’ve got you tied up?”

“I—” Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times. What _did_ happen next? He had never gotten that far, now that he thought about it. He figured this was it, and what happened next wasn’t for him to decide. But _this_? This was just frustrating; and he was beginning to feel more aggravated and fidgety than anything else. “You know what? This...this isn’t sexy. I can’t—ugh—could you maybe—?” He squirmed a bit.

“Oh! Shit, yeah, hold on…” A moment later Sirius felt the mattress shift, then Remus’ fingers on the edges of the blindfold, tugging it up into his hair.“This is not entirely what I imagined,” Remus said as Sirius blinked up at him, adjusting to the low light of their bedroom.

Sirius grimaced. “Yeah; me neither, really.”

“So… what _do_ you want me to do to you?” Remus shifted uncomfortably, sitting back on his heels, and suddenly Sirius was acutely aware of the fact they were both stark naked, and this was a _distinctly_ unsexy scenario.

“Well,” Sirius tried to keep the blatant frustration from seeping into his voice. “At the moment I want you to uncuff me.” 

Remus quickly leaned over and undid the handcuffs before slumping next to Sirius in the bed. “Right, right. This… this didn’t go great, did it?”

Sirius huffed and sat up straight. “No, it didn’t.”

* * *

Remus rubbed a hand over his eyes, peering with what _had_ to be renewed interest at his computer screen. He couldn’t stop thinking about Saturday night with Sirius; how awkwardly stilted it had been after he’d unfastened the plastic handcuffs from around his boyfriend’s wrists and they’d sat there for a moment contemplating how it had been nothing like what they wanted. Remus had thought it would be hot to have someone — to have _Sirius_ — at his mercy like that, but as soon as Sirius _was_ at his mercy, his confidence had taken a vacation to Barbados, and he’d just thought dumbly about _what if I do something Sirius hates?_

It _had_ been hot to see Sirius sprawled out in front of him: all long, pale limbs and dark hair, He’d almost been overwhelmed with the fact he could do _anything_ at that moment; like sensory overload of just _too much_ . But he’d tempered that heat all away with his _what ifs_. Now, outside of their bedroom, at his desk in a lively office, Remus saw Sirius naked and restrained whenever he closed his eyes. He could almost hear every sharp gasp and strangled moan the other man would make as he kissed and licked his way down, and he could see the red and purple bruises his teeth would leave; so vibrant in contrast to Sirius’ pale, flawless skin.

 _Okay. Work._ He had to concentrate.

Remus shook his head to try and dispel the thoughts as he looked back to his computer screen for the fiftieth time today. Thankfully, his fingers got to typing the transcript without him really thinking.

 _In the author’s opinion, Chancellor Fudge showed remarkable restraint in his speech against_ —

Oh. _Restraint_.

Sirius on his knees, hands secured— _restrained_ —behind his back and blindfold still in place while his mouth stretched to accommodate Remus’ co—

With a muttered swear, Remus closed his word document and opened a private browser. Where the hell did he even start? Clearly he couldn’t just search _kinky fantasy was nothing like we expected, please help._

 _Fuck it_ , he’d just start with the basics.

He bit his lip, peering around anxiously as if he expected someone to be watching over his shoulder before finally typing four letters into the search bar: 

_BDSM._

The internet, it turned out, was a wild place.

Remus’ first mistake was to start with sites he recognised, sites like GQ, or Buzzfeed or, the dreaded Cosmopolitan. He thought maybe those sites would give him a beginners perspective, but it was all so wild and sort of frightening and— _why on Earth did the paragraph about golden showers (which Remus was definitely not prepared to read about just yet) have to involve Donald Trump?_

Where could he go next? What did they need to know to turn those fantasies into reality? _Successful_ reality, and not the awkwardness of Saturday night?

He sat back in his chair, rubbing at his eyes for a moment. This shouldn’t be so stressful. He was probably overthinking the whole thing. Remus tapped his fingers lightly over his keyboard, wondering if there was a more specific way that he could do some basic research; none of this crazy kink stuff that neither he nor Sirius were ready for just yet. There had to be some sort of starting point, right? 

Then, a website that wasn’t downright terrifying, or had a click-to-enter warning on, seemed to catch his attention.

 _A_ _Beginner’s Guide to BDSM - Keep it Safe, Sane and Consensual_

That definitely seemed more their speed, and the words ‘Safe’ and ‘Consensual’ seemed to automatically put him at ease. That had been his main concern, after all. He didn’t want to force Sirius to do something he might not want. 

Anyone who knew Sirius would think it was a silly thing to worry about. Sirius enjoyed taking risks and being reckless; Remus just wasn’t sure he liked the idea of being the one responsible for it. He always knew that, whatever he and Sirius got up to, it would likely be him that chickened out first. But with this… what if Sirius _couldn’t_ chicken out, and Remus hit some kind of hard point with him? He didn’t want to ruin it. He wasn’t sure if Sirius had safe or sane covered — or whether _he_ did for that matter—but they could at least do consensual.

So what did that mean? Would they have to stop and ask _is it okay if i do this thing_ _to you_ every time? That didn’t sound sexy at all. A running commentary of _yes_ and _no_ sounded especially bizarre. So what, then?

 _Dominance and submission are all about a power exchange; willingly giving over power_ _—_ _over yourself, your body, your mind_ — _to your lover. Even when a submissive partner is all tied up, they have had a say in the scene. They have_ negotiated _with their partner and had it all agreed upon beforehand. In many ways, the submissive can be thought of as in power because it’s the Dominant’s responsibility to respect the agreed upon limits._

 _Ha!_ Remus thought, smiling a little to himself. Sirius would like that: all tied up and getting told what to do, but knowing he was still the powerful one in the situation. Letting Sirius think he was the top dog — _pun entirely intended_ , Remus snickered into his tea cup — was far easier than dealing with a sullen, brooding Sirius, who insisted he had everything under control and was entirely too _cool_ for all of it. 

Remus sipped his tea and went back to the article, after a long look over the office to make sure his boss wasn’t skulking around.

 _Before you try anything a little spicy in the bedroom, though, you’ll need to talk over whatever might be tickling your fancy, to make sure it’s wetting your lover’s whistle too. It’s also a good idea to pick a safeword, in case you need to pull the emergency brakes on your sordid session_ — _pick something you wouldn’t use in a normally steamy situation!_ _  
__We recommend sitting down and going through a checklist of your Wants, your Wouldn’t Minds and your Will Not’s. It might sound a little kooky, but discussing your encounter before it happens_ — _in all of it’s wonderful sexy detail_ — _can be its own form of foreplay!_

_But where do you start? Most first timers aren’t going to dive right into the scene with whips and chains. Here’s a list of common beginner kinks to get you started on your sexy exploration:_

Remus’ eyes scanned down the list, feeling immediately more at ease with the lack of things like Watersports and Fleshhooks that he had seen on other lists. At least he had heard of most of these; in fact he was pretty sure they had already done one or two of them. Things like hair pulling and dirty talk weren’t a completely foreign concept. Maybe he could use the office printer and get two copies of this list to take home? He and Sirius could sit over them tonight and discuss what they liked and wanted. 

Maybe it would descend into something else. After all, the article _did_ say that negotiating could be its own form of foreplay.

Just as another image of Sirius naked and on his knees flashed across Remus’ mind, there was a light knock on the wall of his cubicle.

“Ah! Remus, lad,” Mr. Slughorn called before he could even click away from the browser. “Just popped along to see how you were getting along with the Chancellor Fudge article, hm? Albus wanted it by 5pm, so he said.”

Remus felt himself jump nearly out of his seat, his face burning red and feeling very thankful for his desk hiding a very prominent… _problem_ … within his trousers. “Er — I — um… Y — yes. Yeah, it’s going great, Mr. Slughorn. I’m just editing a few, er…” He cleared his throat, which felt too tight. “Working out the kinks, I suppose.” _Subtle, Lupin. You idiot._ “It’ll be on Albus’ desk by 5, no worries.” 

“Right-o,” Slughorn said, stood in the doorway and blocking at least 70% of it with his… portly frame. “Glad to hear it. Edit out those kinks my boy,” he said, chuckling. “I hear Mr. Lockhart brought in some donuts for his birthday; they’re in the break room if you’re that way inclined.”

Remus stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Lockhart was such a brown-noser, always getting the exciting jobs thanks to the amount of absolute ass kissing he gave all of the superiors in the office. “Maybe later.” Remus said, biting the inside of his cheek. “Gotta finish this by 5, you know.” 

“Of course, of course.” Slughorn nodded. “Great young man, Lockhart. So much talent, too. He’s really dominating the field lately.” 

Remus’ face felt like it was on fire and all he could think about was the desire to sink under his desk and just stay there forever. _Dominating the field_ … _Christ_. 

“Y—yeah, terrific. Er… If you don’t mind, Sir, I should really get back to working on this.” He nodded his head towards the clock on the wall. “4:00 already, you know.” 

“Right you are, right you are. I’ll get back to cracking the whip then, hm?” Slughorn smiled, gave another little bounce, then turned out of the office.

Remus waited until the door clicked shut before he let out a huge breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding and slumped down in his seat. Of course his boss had to walk in while he was researching how to have kinky sex with his boyfriend, but did he have to make comments like that? _Cracking the whip_ and _Dominating the field… Fuck_ ! Had it been that obvious that that was what he had been doing all day at his computer? Did he have _Likes to Tie Up His Boyfriend_ tattooed on his forehead, or something? Or maybe he had left the damn website up when he had gone to use the loo and now everyone in the office knew— 

No, he hadn’t left his desk since he’d started researching all of this. 

Glancing up at the clock again—4:05—he took a few slow breaths and scrubbed his hands over his face before he finally clicked out of the private server with the BDSM guide and reopened his article. 

“Right then, back to work…” 

_Chancellor Fudge showed remarkable restraint in his speech against the lowering of school budgets, claiming to have a plan that will bring opposing government officials to their knees_ —

This was going to be the _longest hour_ of Remus’ adult life. 

* * *

Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table with the engine oil finally cleaned from his hands when Remus walked through the front door of the flat. He swallowed his mouthful of tea then glanced towards the hallway.

“Hi love,” he said. “Good day?”

Remus shrugged, bending down to give Sirius a quick kiss hello. “Alright, I guess. Lockhart strutting through the office like he owns the place, as always. Fucking peacock.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “What a dick. Any time you like I’ll make up some kind of fake story about him to put him in his place.” With his foot, Sirius pushed out the other chair at the table. “Did you at least get on Sluggy’s good side?”

Remus groaned and rolled his eyes as he sat down “I dunno. The man is so bloody awkward; it’s hard to tell.” 

Sirius could have sworn he saw Remus flinch slightly, his cheeks going pink.

“I managed to finish my article on time, though. So that’s good.” 

Sirius leaned forward onto one elbow. “You look like I’ve tried to feel you up in the pub and that terrifying woman with the boil on her nose has caught us. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Remus licked his lips, running a hand through his hair. “Well, I was doing some research when Slughorn came in to check on my article. Some, er… not _work related_ research, about what we were trying to do on Saturday.” Remus gave Sirius a very pointed look.

“Oh.” Sirius grinned and snickered. “You didn’t have a stiffy, did you? Reading about all that lurid stuff in your tiny box of an office?”

Remus glared at him for a moment, but didn’t answer the question. “Anyway, Slughorn came in and he started using phrases like _Cracking The Whip_ and _Dominating The Field_ , and I thought I was going to fucking die right there. It was awful! It was like he knew what I was doing! It was just—” He shuddered, shaking his head as if that would help erase the memory from his mind. “On a better note, I did manage to find some, er, interesting information.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow, letting Remus’ glare slide off of him. “Oh, yeah?”

A slow smile crept across Remus’ face. “Yeah. I printed out a few things… Would you like to see ‘em?” 

“You’ve got _handouts?_ ” Sirius cackled, slapping his hand on the table. “That is the most Remus thing I’ve _ever_ heard! Is there going to be a test at the end?”

“Only if you’re suddenly into student/teacher roleplay.” Remus chuckled lightly; a slightly more mischievous look in his eyes as he reached into his back pocket, pulled out some neatly folded papers and passed them across the table to Sirius. “Turns out the solution to our problem is pretty simple. We just need to talk about it a bit more beforehand—” 

Sirius was only half listening to what Remus was saying; focusing more on the unfolded paper in his hands and feeling the corners of his mouth drop into a frown as he read.

_Negotiate._

_Talk over whatever might be tickling your fancy._

Sirius scowled. He didn’t want to have to talk it over. 

“What is this?” Sirius said, plucking up a pen from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. “ _Bondage. Spanking. Nipple clamps. Gags._ What, are we meant to just… fill them out with yes and no?”

“Well, we should discuss it a bit as well, but that’s the basic idea.” Remus shrugged and leaned forward across the table to look at the print outs. “This way we know what’s alright to try and what’s not. We need to talk about hard limits and-” 

“I don’t have any _hard limits_ ,” Sirius insisted, shaking his head. All he wanted was for his mind to go blissfully silent as Remus did whatever he wanted to him. 

Remus glanced down at the print outs and back up to Sirius. “I don’t think that’s true… It says we’ll have limits somewhere, and surely it’s better to know them beforehand.”

Sirius huffed a humourless laugh. “Right, right; the article knows best. How are we meant to just put a yes or no on these things? It’s so… _unsexy_. You can just do whatever you want, Remus. That’s the point of it. You get me, naked and blindfolded, and you just do whatever you want.”

“Sirius, I can’t just do that. I need to know that whatever I want to do is okay, first. This is as much for me as it is for you. What if I did something and you got hurt or, I dunno, it reminded you of some awful experience? I’d hate myself if you were ever hurt by something I did.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be.” Sirius pushed the papers away, standing up. “I’m not in the mood for this. I can’t just go down the list ticking boxes; it’s stupid and pointless. You want to do these kinds of things? I mean, what the fuck even is _Shibari_?”

“I don’t know. See? This is why we need to talk things through; so we can find out what it is and see if we are both interested! How would we know if we didn’t talk about it first?” Remus’ eyes were following him as he began to storm out of the kitchen, and he heard Remus’ chair scrape against the floor seconds later. “Sirius, would you please just talk to me for a minute?”

“Not about your fucking handouts, Remus,” Sirius practically spat, gesturing to the table. “It’s a _stupid_ idea! We’ve been shagging for years; we know what the other likes!”

“Would you at least tell me why you’re so wildly averse to discussing this with me? You said it yourself; we’ve been shagging for years! Apparently you trust me enough to let me ‘tie you up and do whatever I want’, so why don’t you trust me enough to talk to me about what you want out of this?” 

Sirius scoffed, shifting his weight. “What I want out of it is for you to do what you want to me. I don’t see why I need to detail it all out? It’s unnecessary and bloody boring, Remus.”

Remus crossed his arms across his chest, a condescending smirk on his face. “Oh? So would you say it’s a _hard limit_ , then?” 

“Oh you fucking git.” Sirius shoved at his shoulder, then went to step past him into the hallway. “Yeah it’s a hard fucking limit, and that’s the only one.”

“It is, is it? Alright, fine.” 

The next thing Sirius knew, he was shoved up against the wall and Remus’ lips were pressed insistently against his own. _That was more like it._ That’s what Sirius wanted out of this; for Remus to just take charge and take what he wanted. 

He made a noise of satisfaction into the kiss, his hands fisting into Remus’ shirt as Remus crowded him against the wall.

Remus moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss and rolling their hips together. He trailed one hand down Sirius’ chest and stomach until he was palming Sirius through his jeans. “Is this what you want, love? You want me to take charge?” He gave Sirius’ cock a light squeeze. “Get on your knees, then.” 

Sirius moaned—though truthfully it might’ve been closer to a whine—as he canted his hips towards Remus; every single blood cell in his body flooding southward. “Fuck,” he breathed, looking at Remus almost in awe. “Fuck yeah, babe. Whatever you want.” Anticipation was thrumming through him as he slid down the wall onto his knees, pressed close enough to the wall that Remus could probably feel Sirius’ breath over his cock; which only made him shiver more.

“Whatever I want?” Remus repeated, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at Sirius with a mix of arousal and amusement. One of his hands tangled into Sirius’ hair and pulled sharply, tilting his head up so that he was forced to meet his gaze. 

“ _Fuck_ . Yeah, yeah. Whatever the fuck you want, babe. Please.” Sirius absently licked his suddenly-dry lips as he leaned forward a little. He couldn’t move too far though, with Remus holding his hair so tight. _Fuck_ , it was so hot.

Remus’ hand tightened in Sirius’ hair and he slowly dropped down on one knee to lean in and nip Sirius’ ear lobe, his breath hot against him, making him shiver slightly. 

“Sirius…” 

“Yeah?” 

“I really want you to fill out the fucking paper.” 

Sirius blinked, wondering if he had misheard Remus for a moment through the haze of their pleasure. Surely it was going to be something lurid and filthy but it was… _paperwork?_

Sirius tried to pull back but Remus held his hair tight. “You’re fucking kidding me?”

“Watch your mouth,” Remus said in a stern voice that Sirius had never heard come from his boyfriend. Sirius definitely didn’t hate it. His stomach flipped and his cock twitched for attention beneath his jeans, so it _definitely_ wasn’t hate.

“Jesus, fuck,” Sirius breathed, his brain already supplying images of Remus using _that voice;_ telling him to do something filthy and horrific.

Remus frowned, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. “What did I just say, Sirius?” 

“To watch my mouth.” The words spilled out of Sirius’ mouth before he could think. Having Remus be so stern, having him hold Sirius by the hair; it just inspired some kind of bizarre _honesty_ in him.

“So what have you got to say, then?” 

Sirius grimaced. He hated apologizing. “Sorry?”

Remus’ face softened slightly and he smiled, seemingly satisfied for the moment. “Very good. I know that’s not easy for you. Now then,” Remus released Sirius’ hair and stood up, straightening his clothes as he did so. “I’m going to give you two options: we can either go to the kitchen and talk this through, and then continue what we’ve just started, or we can stop everything, forget this ever happened, and go back to just having regular, vanilla sex. It’s completely up to you.” 

“Remus, that’s…” Sirius swallowed, hard. 

Remus’ eyebrows shot up again. “If you prefer, you can leave the decision up to me. You did say I was in charge, but I figured you’d be more comfortable with being able to consider your options. Because if it’s up to me, you’ll get up, go to the kitchen, and do as you’re told.” 

Sirius shifted his weight from one knee to the other, pausing for a moment before he spoke up. “We can fill in the forms.”

Remus smiled at him like a cat that had caught a canary. The smile of someone who knew they had just won. “That’s a good boy.” 

“ _Fuck_.”


	2. Chapter Two: Dom/Sub Dynamics

_**Dominant:** A Dominant, or Dom, is the person of power or authority/control in a p_ _ower exchange_ _relationship_ _, who practices some form of_ _Domination_ _, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual domination, or a combination of those. The term can also be used to describe someone with a series of Dominant personality traits._

_**Submissive:** A submissive, or sub, is a person that gives up some degree of authority and/or control to a Dominant, either all the time, or for the duration of a BDSM Scene. Not to be confused with Bottom, or Slave. _ _The term "sub" is synonymous with submissive and is a gender neutral identification. Submissive may also refer to the personality traits of a particular individual._

* * *

Remus gave the papers on the coffee table another glance as he set down two glasses of water next to them. “So, now we’ve both filled out our forms…”

He heard Sirius grumble something under his breath and gave him a warning sort of look before continuing. “Honestly, Sirius, it’s not like it killed you to have an open discussion– or, at least, as open as you’re capable of. I am proud of you for trying for my sake. Thank you.” 

Sirius’ smile quirked upwards for a moment as he shifted in his seat. “You’re welcome. Now can we get to the actual shagging?”

Remus snorted out a laugh. “Very tactful. I’m so very turned on.” He ignored Sirius’ eye roll and stood up from the couch. “Bedroom, then?” He held out his hand to Sirius and waited for him to stand up and take it before leading his boyfriend down the hall to their bedroom. 

Remus had to admit; filling out the negotiation list had been slightly uncomfortable at times, and he had seen flickers of panic cross Sirius’ face, no matter how hard Sirius had tried to mask them. It wasn’t an easy thing, admitting to yourself that you have some slightly unconventional interests, and admitting it to your partner was even more uncomfortable. In the end, it had put some of Remus’ anxieties about the whole thing at ease, even if he was still a little nervous. 

Now, however, as he felt the anticipation growing. They made their way into the bedroom and he could see more clearly in his mind exactly what he wanted to do; and knew that he could fulfill Sirius’ needs as well. 

When they reached the door to the bedroom, Remus could feel his heart pounding. This was the awkward part, he supposed. It felt strange to just go into the bedroom and jump right into it. How were they meant to start? There wasn’t much in the article about a natural progression to ease into things…

Remus was thinking too much, probably. After all, he and Sirius had been together since University. He knew how to get Sirius worked up. He had done so just before to get him to agree to the negotiation lists!

Without another thought, Remus turned around and pushed Sirius against the wall again, revelling for a moment in the look of surprise on his boyfriend’s face.

“Why don’t we pick up where we left off?” 

Sirius arched against him, the surprise still lingering in his eyes. “Yeah, _Jesus_. You keep taking me by surprise, babe.”

Remus pressed his full body against him, chuckling softly and leaning in to kiss and nip along the sharp line of his jaw. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Sirius’ hands came up to grip Remus’ upper arms as he instinctively moved to nudge his knee between Remus’ thighs.

 _He wants this,_ Remus assured himself, and he quickly got a hold of both of Sirius’ wrists and pinned them over his head. “No touching.” 

Sirius let out a moan, his hips rolling against Remus’ in those sinfully ridiculous black jeans ripped at the knees and so low on his hips. “Fuck, yeah, okay.”

Remus swallowed hard, feeling something akin to adrenaline building up. It felt good to have Sirius like this; to be in charge and have someone he could control in this way. Remus had spent his whole life not having any control at all, being packed up and shipped off from school to school, being the one controlled and ordered around. Now he had this, he had _Sirius_ like this. He had a million ideas of what he could do at this moment.

“What do you want me to do?” Sirius licked his lips; those narrow hips rolling against Remus’ once more. “Want to hold me down and fuck me? Or am I better on my knees?”

_Fuck. He’s bloody perfect._

What _did_ Remus want to do? If he was completely honest with himself, he wanted to drag Sirius into the room, rip his clothes off, and bend him over the bed to be punished for being such a stubborn arse about having to negotiate these things. He wanted to hear him gasping and moaning as Remus’ hand came down on the tender flesh of his backside until it was red and stinging. _Lord knows_ Sirius deserved a little discipline more often than not. 

At the same time, going that far this soon put Remus’ stomach in a knot. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to hurt Sirius like that. _Not yet_. 

Sirius smirked. “The thing about being the Dom is you need to use your words and tell me what to do, babe.”

Remus growled softly and bit down on Sirius’ neck, a little harder than usual. 

“You’re telling _me_ to use _my_ words, now? After that little tantrum you threw in the kitchen?” He let go of Sirius’ wrists, freeing one hand to tangle in his hair. Remus gripped tightly at Sirius’ scalp and pulled, hard. 

“I _am_ the Dom, Sirius—by your own request, I might add. So I’d suggest having a bit more respect than that." 

Sirius opened his mouth—probably to scoff, knowing him—but Remus saw his cheeks colour red just a little. He had probably been juggling a million quips and barbs on the tip of his talented tongue before Remus had told him to be _respectful_. He’d been told that so many times himself, but now he was the one being respected. 

“Fine.”

“ _Fine?_ ” Remus pulled back slightly, taking a second to let his brain catch up with him. “You know what, I think I know exactly what I want to do with you.” He released Sirius’ hair and stepped aside to open the door to the bedroom. “Get in and strip down. Sit on the bed and don’t say anything unless I tell you to.” 

The expression on Sirius’ face was priceless: his finely arched eyebrows shot upwards and his mouth fell slack, just for a moment or two before he managed to peel himself away from the wall. Remus didn’t miss the bulge in his jeans, or how the tip of ear he could see peeking out from Sirius’ mess of hair was bright red, either. 

Sirius nodded, then lifted one hand to his mouth to rub over it. “Okay.”

Remus was relatively sure that no one had ever spoken to Sirius the way he was doing now. Sirius had grown up privileged and spoiled, with parents who couldn’t be bothered to teach their sons anything more than what they needed to succeed as heirs to the family business. Sirius had been taught he was better than everyone else, and _he_ was the one to give the orders and shoulder the burdens, regardless of whether he might want to or not.

Sirius left the door open as he went into their bedroom and picked his way past the pile of laundry and the box of motorcycle parts, towards the bed. He pulled off the black t-shirt with one easy movement that pulled along his back muscles, then kicked off his jeans and underwear.

Remus lost himself for a moment, staring at Sirius’ well-toned muscles and perfect, unmarked skin as it was revealed to him. He bit back a moan. It was going to take every ounce of personal restraint to not skip all of this and just fuck his absolutely gorgeous boyfriend until neither of them could stand on their own legs. 

By the time Remus shook himself out of the daze, Sirius was on the bed, lounging back with that almost trademark smirk on his lips as if he knew that Remus was staring and _he liked it_. “What now, babe?”

Snapping back into the moment, Remus frowned, tilting his head slightly to this side as he observed the situation before him. Sirius looked fucking perfect like that, of course. However…

“I believe I told you to _sit_ on the bed, Sirius. And I also told you to do so silently.” Remus crossed the room towards the dresser, opening the top drawer where they had stashed the cheap pair of handcuffs and blindfold they had attempted to use last time. 

He glanced back to make sure that Sirius was correcting his position. “As I was saying before, you really do need a lesson in respect. So I think it would be best to drop _‘Babe_ ’ from your vocabulary. You’ll call me ‘ _Sir’_ , and I expect you to listen and do what you’re told.” 

Sirius sat up against the headboard; his hair in a mess around his shoulders, hands in his lap though he made no attempt to hide his evident erection. “Uh… yes, Sir.”

A thrill ran down Remus’ spine. He didn’t know what he was expecting—in fact, he wasn’t even sure of what had made him request that Sirius call him that. He had grown up in a military family, and had despised being ordered to call people ‘Sir’. Hearing it from Sirius, though, made him feel powerful and important. _He kind of loved it._

Remus climbed up onto the bed, still fully clothed, and straddled Sirius’ lap. He took hold of Sirius’ hair again, pulling his head back and claiming his mouth in a slow, deep kiss. “Good boy.” 

* * *

Sirius had melted into Remus already. The _Sir_ had felt strange coming out of his mouth; him, the boy who had never called his teachers at school anything even remotely respectful, calling anyone _Sir?_ But that was Remus. And oh, that was something different. Calling _Remus_ Sir made Sirius’ stomach twist with heat, and his toes curl, and his mouth go dry. It made his chest go tight and his cock twitch for attention in his lap. _Fuck_. Sirius Black, who rebelled against any semblance of authority, passing it over to his sweater-wearing, sarcastic as all shit journalist of a boyfriend?

Here he was, stark naked and sitting on their bed, calling Remus _Sir_ whilst Remus, still in those awful office clothes but looking like some demi-god with the way he smiled and thrilled with power, straddled him.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Sirius breathed again, shocked at how much this had turned him on already: the feel of his bare skin against Remus’ clothes, Remus’ hand in his hair, Remus’ lips dominating the kiss, the residual taste of _Sir_ on his tongue.

"You remember the safewords we discussed, don't you?" Remus muttered against his lips, grinding his hips down slowly so that Sirius could feel the hardness beneath his trousers.

Sirius lifted his hips up to meet Remus’, moaning in the back of his throat. “Fuck, I’m not going to need—”

The grinding and kissing stopped immediately as Remus pulled away. "I didn't ask whether you needed one or not, I asked if you remember what they are. Answer the question." 

“Ah…” Sirius swallowed, arching towards him again. “Red for stop. Yellow for slow down. Green for go,” he rattled off, his gaze flickering all over Remus’ face.

He looked satisfied, proud even, at Sirius' answer, and that alone made Sirius' stomach flip with excitement. Something inside of him yearned for it, to make Remus proud of him. He'd never cared before about whether or not someone thought he was doing a good job, but Remus…Remus mattered. 

"Very good, Sirius." And then the warm, comfortable weight of Remus' body was on him again, pressing him into the mattress while Remus kissed a line down his neck. "You're being so good."

Sirius tipped his chin back, his hands twitching on the mattress behind him. He wanted to touch, wanted to grab a hold of Remus’ arms and haul him closer or stick his hand down Remus’ pants, but Remus had told him not to. His stomach was flipping and twisting at Remus’ words, at the murmured tone of them into his neck; the praise in them making Sirius flush all over.

"Hands over your head, love. Holding the headboard." Remus breathed hotly against the pulse point of Sirius’ neck, teeth scraping against his skin and pulling a gasp from Sirius’ lips. 

Sirius hurried to comply, lifting his hands to grab the top of the headboard. He felt exposed like this: his arms up, his body just _there_ for Remus to do with what he wanted. _It was thrilling_. Just the motion of doing that—the submissive gesture of wrapping his fingers around the cool metal bars of the headboard—made another little groan of pleasure slip from his mouth.

Everything went suddenly dark before Sirius even had the chance to realise that Remus had the blindfold; and for a brief moment Sirius' chest tightened, his body tensing slightly from the surprise of it. Remus' hand drifted slowly from the blindfold to rest on his cheek in a very tender and loving gesture, and Sirius relaxed into it. 

"Still alright, love?"

Sirius let out a slow breath, purposefully checking in with how he felt. He didn’t do that often, but he needed to now. “Yeah, green… _Sir_.”

He heard a soft gasp from Remus, then Remus' lips ghosted over his own. _Christ,_ that gasp from him just made Sirius’ stomach flip even more. He was enjoying this as much as Sirius was, wasn’t he? He got off on being called _Sir_ and getting respect from Sirius and having Sirius at his mercy. _Fuck_. 

"Good boy. I'm going to use the cuffs now, if that's okay." 

Something about not being able to see what Remus was doing made him squirm a bit. He felt Remus' body shift up over his own, and then the cold plastic of the handcuffs closed around his wrists. It felt strange to know he couldn’t move. They’d done this before, of course—that ill-fated time last weekend—but it wasn’t brimming with electricity like it was now. Sirius felt like he could barely breathe from the heat and closeness of the room. They had been playing at it before, going through the motions; but now Remus was truly in charge.

What Sirius wasn't ready for was the loss of Remus' body completely. He could hear him moving around; he felt the bed shift as Remus supposedly got up. But the sudden loss made Sirius tense again, and he feared for a moment that Remus might just _leave him there,_ tied up and blindfolded, and he wasn't at all sure of how that made him feel. Sirius certainly wouldn't admit that he found it slightly terrifying. He forced himself to listen, searching for the sound of Remus’ breathing or the shuffle of his socked feet on the carpet. He’d always heard that, when someone lost one sense, the others were heightened, but that hadn’t happened yet.

“Remus?”

"I'm only getting undressed, Sirius." Remus' voice sounded far away and Sirius couldn't help the way his hands clenched into fists above his head. _Fuck._ He wanted to see, he wanted to watch Remus undress and see his _fucking perfect cock_ , hard and heavy just for him. 

The bed creaked and dipped again, and Remus was back, pressing his warm, naked body fully against Sirius’. 

"You look amazing, love." Remus muttered, returning his lips to Sirius' neck and shoulders, alternating between soft kisses and sharp little nips while his fingers drifted lightly down Sirius’ sides.

Sirius tipped his head back to let Remus kiss him, but he was still holding onto that little kernel of fear, quickly hardening into rebellion and heat like it always did. “Took your time observing, didn’t you?”

Remus frowned against his skin. The kissing stopped and Remus sat back up very abruptly. "And what if I was? Isn't this what you wanted? You’re mine, Sirius. If I want to sit back and look at you, I will." Then his voice softened. "However, if that's a hard limit, all you need to do is _tell me_ and I won't do it again…"

“Right…” Sirius shifted, feeling his stomach twisting. He _did_ like the idea of Remus looking at him, sitting back and taking him in like a fine painting, here just for Remus. But _what if he just left?_ Sirius swallowed, his fists clenching and unclenching again. “Keep… keep touching me. When I can’t see you.”

Remus' fingers were in his hair; not pulling this time, but stroking through the tangled locks. _Petting._ "Thank you for being honest with me. Would you like to continue?"

Sirius leaned into his touch, letting the feel of Remus’ fingers soothe him. He made himself take two deep breaths. “Yeah.”

" _Yes, please, Sir."_ Remus corrected him, his voice still soft but with that new assertive tone that made Sirius want to come right on the spot.

“Fuck… yes, please, Sir,” Sirius ushered out, shifting against the mattress.

"Good boy." 

Sirius’ cock twitched. Remus wasn’t touching him, wasn’t even _kissing_ him. He just had a hand in Sirius’ hair, and as soon as that phrase slipped from his mouth, Sirius couldn’t help himself. He was almost _embarrassed_ for it, and Sirius Black was never embarrassed about anything. It made him feel warm all over.

Remus chuckled softly, his mouth returning to kiss down Sirius' chest while one hand moved to thumb over his left nipple. "You like that, don't you? Being told you're a good boy…" His voice was almost teasing, yet for some reason it made Sirius squirm pleasurably when, really, in any other situation, it would have felt condescending. He should feel patronised and angry, but he didn’t. He wanted to hear it again and again.

“Ah, yeah—yeah I do.” Sirius licked his lips, trying to arch closer. “Sir.”

Remus' mouth travelled lower down his body, leaving hot, wet kisses until he reached Sirius' stomach. He swirled his tongue around Sirius’ belly button, dipping inside and nipping at it. "Mmm, I know. Your cock is so hard for me right now. You want to be a good boy. _My_ good boy."

Out of nowhere, what could only be described as a _whimper_ spilled from Sirius’ lips. His hips bucked, his stomach tight, fingers tensed. “Oh fucking hell. _Shit_ , Remus. That’s so hot.”

"I'm sorry, I must have gone temporarily deaf for a moment. Who was it you were speaking to?"

Sirius groaned. “Sir. You, Sir.”

"Much better." 

Sirius found himself holding his breath, waiting for some more praise, waiting for a _thank you_ , or a _good boy_. Shit, this was nothing like he imagined. He’d expected Remus to just tie him up and fuck him senseless, but Remus had done nothing but kiss him, yet Sirius’ cock was painfully hard, and he could barely keep still. 

This was a _thousand_ times better.

* * *

 _Holy fucking shit._ Remus didn't even know where these words were coming from. When Sirius had asked him to try this whole Dom/sub thing, he really thought it would be all about rough sex, handcuffs, and whips and chains. Yet, every time "Sir" tumbled out of Sirius' mouth, or his cock twitched against Remus' stomach after being praised, he felt hungry for more. He wanted to make Sirius squirm, and to pull those gorgeous gasps and — _fucking hell_ —desperate whimpers from him. 

Remus licked along the crease where Sirius' thigh met his pelvis, delighted when yet another sharp gasp escaped from his mouth, and how his hips bucked up, searching for more. And _oh_ was Remus dying to give him more; but this was too good for him to let it end so soon. He wanted Sirius to beg for what he wanted. 

Using one hand to hold Sirius' hips down, Remus continued to kiss and bite his inner thigh instead. "Patience. You want to be good for me, don't you? You're doing so well, baby. I'm so proud of you."

Sirius moaned softly, spreading his legs wider, likely trying to coax Remus into doing something more than kiss and bite. Remus wanted to take his time.

“Thank you Sir,” Sirius breathed, his cock twitching again, desperate for attention. Maybe he could feel Remus’ warm breath over it. 

The words sent another delightful shiver down Remus' spine and he bit his lip, weighing the options of continuing this way, or giving in and taking that gorgeous cock in his mouth. He compromised by ducking down further and licking Sirius' balls, taking each one slowly into his mouth for just a moment; stopping and returning to other surrounding areas. "Fuck, you taste so good, baby…" 

Sirius moaned sharply, his hips bucking. Remus could see the tension in the muscles of his thighs, and he was willing to bet Sirius’ toes were curling in the sheets. “ _Fuck_ , your mouth…”

With both hands, Remus pushed Sirius' legs further apart. He gave Sirius' balls another appreciative lick before slowly sitting up, fondling him with one hand while he brought the other up to trace Sirius’ lips with his index finger. "Suck."

Remus’ finger pushed against Sirius’ bottom lip as he parted them to let his tongue swirl around the tip. Sirius’ hum was appreciative and laced with a little bit of desperation as he did as he was told and sucked on Remus’ finger. _Shit_ , he looked so good with his cheeks hollowed like that; so close to what Remus had been thinking about all week.

" _Fuck_ , baby, you should see how perfect you look." Remus pushed his middle finger into Sirius' mouth along with the first, pressing them against his tongue and further back, just enough to get him to gag a little and _Holy shit_ —Remus had to close his eyes for a moment and breathe through the urge to come from that sound. "G—good boy. Get them nice and wet for me."

“Mmhm,” was all Sirius managed to say, his tongue pressing against the pads of Remus’ fingers with a little well of saliva. Sirius’ hips pressed upwards again, shuddering just a little.

Remus pulled his fingers out almost too quickly as his own cock throbbed between his legs. Fuck, he didn’t realise it would all feel this _intense_. His brain felt alert and fuzzy at the same time; like he was drunk on the power that Sirius gave him, but hyper aware of every move and every sound that Sirius made. 

He shuffled back down, settling again between Sirius’ legs and bending to kiss the leaking head of Sirius’ cock while his wet fingers stroked along the sensitive spot just behind his balls and then down further; until they were teasing and circling his arsehole. 

“Oh fuck,” Sirius moaned, and Remus glanced up to see his hands balling into fists under the handcuffs. “Fuck.”

“What do you want, baby?” Remus pressed one finger just barely past the tight ring of muscle. “Tell me.” 

“To get off. Fuck, I wanna get off.”

Remus inched his finger in just a tiny bit more. “Sirius, what is it that you want me to do?” He wanted Sirius to say it. He wanted Sirius to _beg_ for his mouth or his cock, but _fuck_ , he wasn’t sure if he could handle much more himself. Remus couldn’t imagine trying to fuck Sirius at this point; feeling how hot and tight and perfect his arse feels around him. Remus would come the moment he was inside him. 

Sirius moaned again, his breathing going short and sharp. “Fuck—fuck. Suck me off, _Sir_. Put your fingers in me and suck me off.”

Remus’ breath hitched. “ _Please_ .” He managed to sound somewhat in control, but he could feel himself slipping. He kept his eyes locked on Sirius’ face as he pushed both fingers in all the way. “Sir, _please_ suck me off,” he said, coaxing Sirius to repeat after him, giving him the words.

“ _Fuck_ , please, Sir. Please, suck me off.” The words tumbled out of Sirius’ mouth on the heels of another glorious, _delicious_ whimper as his body adjusted and tightened greedily around Remus’ fingers.

“Fuck… fuck, that’s so… you’re so good, I—” Remus squeezed his eyes shut trying to focus, but Sirius felt so tight and perfect around his fingers; he sounded so fucking desperate, and Remus couldn’t fucking stand it any longer. “Fuck, I need to—” He removed his fingers from Sirius’ arse, mentally cursing himself for being so abrupt, and knelt up. 

Remus’ hand grasped his own cock and he let out a long moan he hadn’t realised had been building up in his chest for fuck knows how long. He began to wank himself off, staring down at his boyfriend. _God_ , he was beautiful; tied up, and needy, and desperate, and _begging,_ and _fuck_ . It was all for him; it was all for Remus. Sirius was _his_ —

Sirius arched and whimpered again as he lifted his hips, searching for Remus’ fingers. “Fuck, what are you—are you wanking, _Sir?_ I wish I could see—wish I could see you.”

Remus let out a tiny whimper himself at the request, wishing he had the strength to stop at least long enough to reach forward and remove Sirius’ blindfold. “F—Fuck, yeah...Yeah, baby, I’m wanking. I’m gonna come all over your cock. You’re so fucking hot and—oh _fuck_ !” Remus came hard, thick stripes of sticky, hot fluid painting Sirius’ lower stomach and his still hard, untouched cock. “ _Shit, Sirius_ …” 

“Holy _shit_.” Sirius’ body tensed with the sensation, his toes curling and fingers clenching. “Oh, fucking shit—shit, Remus. That’s fucking hot, that’s so hot. Please suck me off, Sir.”

Remus was still stroking himself through his orgasm. He took a few shaky breaths once he was sure he was finished and gazed down in complete amazement at the sight of Sirius covered in his come. 

“Shit—holy shit, I’m—fuck, I’m sorry, Sirius. I didn’t mean to—Yeah, yes. Of course.” He shook himself slightly, trying to clear the fog from his brain as he bent to kiss down Sirius’ stomach, stopping to lick up the come that was pooling there, and then further down until his lips found the head of Sirius’ cock. Remus wrapped one hand around the base and sucked him into his mouth, slowly sinking down, tasting his own come mixed with the taste of _Sirius._ Remus moaned around him.

Sirius’ feet scrambled against the sheets at the likely near-overwhelming onslaught of pleasure. His hips jerked up and Remus was distantly thankful he hadn’t taken Sirius all the way in yet, else he would’ve gagged with the movement. “Oh fuck, fuck, _fuck_ . Fuck, I’m gonna come, _fuck_.”

He let Sirius slip from his mouth for a moment, continuing to stroke him with his fist. “Good boy. Come for me, Baby.” Remus licked along the underside and took him fully into his mouth, bobbing his head.

“ _Fuck, holy fuck_ ,” was all Sirius managed to say before it was cut off by a sharp moan; his come hitting the back of Remus’ throat. It was warm and salty, and Remus moaned at the taste of him, at the feeling of Sirius coming apart completely beneath him. He kept sucking as Sirius pulsed and twitched in his mouth and, when he was sure Sirius was done, he slowly pulled off, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

Sirius sank back against the headboard, breathing hard. Remus could see a flush over his cheeks beneath the edge of the blindfold, spreading over his chest. “Holy _shit.”_

“Yeah,” Remus agreed with a breathless laugh. He climbed up the length of Sirius’ body, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before removing the blindfold. He waited a moment for Sirius’ eyes to adjust, giving him a small smile when he saw Sirius blink up and focus on him. “Hi.” 

Sirius’ smile warmed a little, and Remus’ heart fluttered from it. “Hi, babe.”

Biting back the urge to grin like a sappy teenager who’d just lost his virginity, Remus quickly moved to unlock the cuffs and release Sirius’ hands. He then shifted to lie down beside him. “That was... _wow_.” 

Sirius shifted down the bed, sprawling out and looking like the absurdly attractive demi-god he surely was. He had an equally wide and almost goofy grin on his face; his hair ruffled from the blindfold and Remus’ fingers that’d been through it. “Yeah, shit, that was amazing…”

Remus licked his lips, anxiously. “Was it—was it what you wanted? I wasn’t too mean or anything, right? I felt like—I dunno. I’ve never felt like that before.” He let out a small, nervous laugh, reaching to stroke Sirius’ hair away from his face. 

“Mmm, no. It was what I wanted… more than what I wanted, I think?” Sirius kissed his wrist and tilted his head a little to pin Remus with a look. “Was it what you wanted?”

“Honestly?” Remus laughed again. “I don’t think I had any idea of what I wanted. But, yeah. Yeah, it was… it was perfect. You’re perfect.” 

Sirius snickered a laugh, flopping back onto the bed. “I think all I wanted was some rough sex but holy fuck, I don’t even know where to start with that?” Sirius ran a hand over his face, then rolled to the side. “I need a bloody cigarette.”

“Right? I thought so too, but then I had you there and I just…” Remus gestured vaguely. “Fuck, I didn’t know I had any of that in me. I didn’t know that I could…” He trailed off, feeling his cheeks burn red. _I didn’t know I could feel that good having that sort of power over someone_ . _I didn’t know how much I’d crave hearing you call me Sir; having you helpless and needy for me._

He cleared his throat. “Actually, I could do with a cigarette as well, I think.”

Sirius grinned over at him. God, his boyfriend could probably read him like an open fucking book; the way his cheeks were red and the way he’d trailed off. Sirius sat up and reached for his cigarettes on the nightstand, sliding two out. “I always knew you had it in you, babe.” He said, lighting one cigarette between his lips then holding it filter-first to Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes, accepting the cigarette and taking a long drag from it. “Yeah? Well, I always knew that beneath that whole ‘I’m such a rebel’, Bad Boy exterior, you really just want to be a good, well behaved boy.” He snickered, letting the smoke out of his lungs, watching Sirius’ face turn pink and his eyes narrow sharply. 

With him still naked, it was easy to see the way Sirius’ abdominal muscles tighten and his thumb slipped on the lighter as he struck his own cigarette alight.

Sirius took a drag and slowly let it out before he spoke. “If you call me a good boy in front of anyone, I will kill you, Remus John Lupin.”

Remus snorted, grinning up at him and taking another hit. “Oh, of course. Can’t have you ruining your reputation.” He pushed himself up onto one elbow, blowing out the smoke as he watched Sirius’ face carefully. “I love you.” 

Sirius’ free hand tangled in the curls just behind Remus’ ear. His smile turned soft and warm as he inhaled the smoke between them. “I love you, too.”


	3. Negotiation

**_Negotiation:_ ** _ Negotiation is the process by which people plan an activity, commonly a  _ [ _ Scene _ ](http://bdsmwiki.info/Scene) _ or  _ [ _ relationship _ ](http://bdsmwiki.info/Category:Relationships) _ , and involves deciding what will and will not happen during the activity to establish specified  _ [ _ Boundaries _ ](http://bdsmwiki.info/Boundaries) _ as well as obtaining everyone's  _ [ _ Consent _ ](http://bdsmwiki.info/Consent) _ through use of  _ [ _ assertive speech _ ](http://bdsmwiki.info/Assertive_speech) _ in order for those things to happen. _

* * *

Sirius wasn’t sure if this counted as  _ research _ , or whether  _ Remus _ would count this as research, but Sirius had an afternoon off and he wasn’t going to spend it any other way. Not when he had the scene from last week to replay in his head, and the handful of windows open on his laptop that he did. 

_ This is  _ definitely _ research, _ Sirius thought as he unzipped his jeans and wriggled to get comfier on the bed. It hadn’t taken long to stumble across something that  _ looked _ interesting, but it took him a few moments to get up the guts to click on it. The thumbnail alone made Sirius’ stomach flip. 

It was a lowly lit room, with a man bound to a chair, blindfolded, with another man’s hands in his hair, being pushed towards a frankly intimidating cock — and Remus wasn’t  _ small _ to say the least.

As soon as the video started, Sirius was enthralled.

"Hungry cockslut, aren't you?” the blond man in the video said, grasping the other’s hair and tipping his chin up. He was at the perfect height for the blond to just fuck into his mouth, and that made Sirius’ stomach flip and clench; his cock twitching for attention again. Sirius had to give in and wrap a hand around himself, stroking slowly as the dark-haired man with the tribal tattoo opened his mouth to let the blond fuck into it. 

_ Jesus _ , Sirius could see the brunet’s hands twitching in a bid to  _ touch _ and fight the restraints. He was held fast, though. He could hear  _ Remus _ saying that kind of thing to him, muttered in his ear, and God, he sounded good.

There was a sharp slapping sound as the brunet hit the blond's face and Sirius bit his lip, unsure of how he felt about that. 

_ "Yeah, swallow my cock, like a good whore." _

The door to the flat opened Sirius heard the clinking sound of Remus throwing his keys in the bowl by the door. "Sirius, I'm home!”

Sirius was too busy reeling from that line to do anything at all but sit there, cock in hand, as he heard Remus’ steps down the hallway. “Fuck — fucking shit. Hi Remus!”

Remus had stopped in the doorway. He was silent for a few seconds before he made his way to the side of the bed. "What are you — _ oh!" _

“Ha… hi. Research?” Sirius paused, hand still around the base of his cock because he thought it might be  _ more _ awkward if he tried to surreptitiously remove it.

Remus snickered beside him. "Research, is it?" His eyes glanced down to Sirius' hand around his hard cock and he gave an amused smile. "Without me? I'm not sure if I should be offended or — "

" — _ all a slut like you is good for. Sucking cock and being fucked _ — _ " _

Remus made a sort of strangled noise and Sirius could see the flush forming on his cheeks.

Sirius entertained the idea of pausing the video, but he wanted to see how it ended, and he wanted to see  _ Remus’ _ reaction to it. “I thought it might help to understand the things I like, you know?”

Remus visibly swallowed, his eyes frantically looking anywhere but the laptop. "Y — you, er — " he cleared his throat. "You like that? I mean, the name calling and stuff?" 

_ Did he? _ Sirius wasn’t sure. Would he like Remus calling him a whore, telling him he’s good for nothing but fucking? He liked being told he was being a good boy,  _ Remus’ _ good boy, but would this be the same? He settled on shrugging. “I don’t know, maybe?”

Remus shifted uncomfortably, avoiding looking at Sirius. "I'm...I dunno if I could say that sort of stuff to you. I mean, I could try if that's what you really want?"

Sirius frowned, seeing the real discomfort on Remus’ face. He moved his hand and leaned forward to hit pause on the video. “No. If you don’t want to do it, then we don’t do it. Both of us need to agree, right?”

"Er...w — why? Maybe you could...maybe tell me why you want that? What if I said something and — Sirius, I don't want you to think that I really think that about you."

“We could… decide on some things we’re both okay with you saying?” Sirius shrugged again, turning towards Remus a little. “I… don’t know why I like the idea of it? Something about… I don’t know… it’s safe with you, I  _ know _ you don’t mean it.”

Remus nodded, still refusing to look at Sirius and running a hand through his hair. "We'll talk about it. Um...I was thinking, maybe, if you want to, we could go to that shop downtown? Maybe get some better cuffs than those ridiculous plastic ones, and some other things?"

Sirius grinned, sitting up straighter and taking Remus’ other hand. He always did that, pulled away when he was feeling uncomfortable. “Are you, Remus John Lupin, asking me to go to the sex shop with you? Because yes, duh, of course.”

Remus laughed, a real laugh this time, and finally looked Sirius in the eyes as he gave Sirius’ hand a squeeze. "Alright. We can maybe get some dinner while we're out, too. Make a date out of it, you know?" 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” Sirius gave Remus’ hand a responding squeeze before he took a breath. “Although–- not that I’m not desperate to go buy sex toys and eat great food and show you off like  _ ah look, this fine specimen of man is my boyfriend _ –– I  _ was _ in the middle of something when you came home?” He gave a pointed look to his own cock — which was still valiantly just more than half-hard — then back to Remus with a smirk.

Remus' eyes locked on Sirius' cock and the tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He looked almost hungry. "Yeah? Well, I am the Dom, aren't I? I could always make you stop. Tell you to get dressed and not let you finish until we get home later, couldn't I?"

Sirius squirmed.  _ Fuck _ , and judging by the look on his face, Remus would do that. “You could,” he agreed, surprised by the tone of his own voice. “What can I do to convince you otherwise?”

Remus rolled his eyes as he shrugged out of his work shirt, tossing it aside. "Just be a good boy and lie there." He climbed up onto the bed, carefully putting the laptop aside and crawling up between Sirius' legs. 

“ _ Fuck _ , babe,” Sirius mumbled, letting his knees fall out to the sides and propping himself up on one elbow to drink in the sight of Remus’ shoulders, his back. “You’re so fucking hot, I’ll be a good boy.”

Remus wrapped one hand around the base of Sirius’ cock, giving the head a slow lick.  _ "Babe?" _

“ _ Sir _ .” The word nearly tumbled out of Sirius’ mouth; still not used to it, still almost  _ afraid _ of it for how much it made him thrill, how it affected  _ both _ of them. 

"Mmmm, very good." Remus smirked before his lips wrapped around Sirius, and he couldn't do anything but moan as his cock was swallowed down.

Sirius felt like he was still reeling from what was a ridiculously fabulous blowjob by the time he and Remus got off the subway on the other side of town, heading towards the sex shop. Sirius wasn’t  _ nervous _ , per se, he was more excited than anything. Who wouldn’t love going searching for kinky things?

The shop itself was pretty well hidden and unassuming, and if you didn't already know it was there you'd probably walk right past it. It wasn't like typical sex shops: the ones that felt sort of seedy and dirty, with big neon signs and large chested mannequins wearing skimpy lingerie in the front windows. The outside was just a purple door, and the windows were blacked out, aside from a velvet purple curtain.

They had stumbled upon it one night, after they’d gone out drinking with some friends from Uni. They’d been just tipsy enough to go inside that time, but hadn't thought about it since then.

“God, it’s been years since we were here, huh?” Sirius said, stubbing out the cigarette he’d struck up on the walk from the subway.

Remus nodded, chuckling lightly. "I'm not so sure I'd even consider the first time. We didn't exactly go in and shop. We just walked around giggling like drunk idiots."

“We  _ were _ drunk idiots, babe.” Sirius grinned, putting an arm around Remus’ shoulders.

"Very true." Remus opened the door to the shop, holding it for Sirius first and following him inside. 

The inside of the store was a little narrow at the front, lined with glass showcases that held expensive looking leather and metal collars, some bejeweled buttplugs and other toys that Sirius wasn't familiar with, and honestly wasn't sure whether to be intrigued or unnerved by them. 

Remus was looking over his shoulder with a grimace on his face. "They look so...medical? Those, right there." He nodded at a set of metal rods that increased in size. "What's that even  _ for _ ?"

Sirius winced. “I don’t know. I don’t want them in any part of me.” 

"Oh? Mr. I-don't-have-hard-limits? You don't even know what they are, love. How can you be so — " Remus flinched as his eyes fell on a sign explaining the toys on display. "Oh...oh, no. No, we don't want that."

Sirius followed his eyeline, wincing too.  _ Dilators? _ “See, as if you know what they are! We are avoiding those,” he said emphatically. He clapped his hands and turned on his heel. “Blindfold, handcuffs. No weird… pee-hole things.”

Remus snickered. "You're the one who insisted they had no hard limits. Feels like a pretty stupid thing to say now, doesn't it?"

“Remus.” Sirius groaned, rolling his eyes. “Okay, one, singular hard limit. No metal rods in my dick.”

"Right, right. Just that one thing, I'm sure." Remus smiled, looking smug. "Oh look, chastity cock cages. I'm sure you'd like that, yeah? It doesn't go in your dick, so it must be okay."

Sirius went to walk away from the grim looking toys, but Remus had a hold of his hand. "Nah, that doesn't look too terrible." Sirius grinned. "I mean, how long would I even wear it, you know" Those cages looked horrific, but Sirius wouldn’t give up that easily.

Remus shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe a few hours. Maybe all day. You'd never know, I'd have the key. Hell, maybe longer than a day. It's not like you can't take a piss or anything. You just can't get hard. Y'know what, I did walk in on you wanking without me today, maybe this isn't a bad idea. Hold on, I'll find the girl who works here and we'll have a look — "

“Remus!” Sirius hissed, yanking him back. “How the hell do you know about all this? Have you got  _ any _ work done in the past week, or have you just been researching filthy, terrifying contraptions?”

"They are pretty self explanatory, if you ask me…" Remus frowned, looking further down the display case. "Let's have a look at some other things, okay? Maybe the display cases are a bit too advanced."

Sirius nodded, turning around to look along some shelves towards some leather. It took him a moment to realise what they were looking at, then quickly identified them as collars and the corresponding leashes.

“Remus?”

"Hmm?" Remus was preoccupied with some sort of toy hanging from the walls, which looked like a bunch of long leather strips. "What's up, love?"

“Look at these…” Sirius was sort of enthralled by them, imagining how they would feel around his neck; how Remus could clip a leash on it and pull him around on his hands and knees…

Remus appeared beside him seconds later. "What are your thoughts? Do you like them?" He didn't sound uncomfortable the way he did about the name calling in the porn Sirius had been watching earlier. He sounded genuinely curious.

Sirius latched onto the tone of his voice, smiling at him. “Yeah… I like the idea of them… You could pull me in by the o-ring.”

Remus' breath hitched and one of his hands slipped under Sirius' leather jacket, resting on his lower back. "Yeah...yeah, that sounds like something we could do…"

Sirius didn’t miss those subtle changes, didn’t miss the way Remus’ lips parted just a little. “Yeah? I could really be your good boy.”

"Alright." Remus nodded. "We'll look into it, then. For now, let's take a look at the cuffs and blindfolds. We know we like those already, we just need better quality. But this...this is good. We're finding other things we want to try." He kept his hand on Sirius' back and steered him away from the collars and leashes. "I was thinking, maybe instead of the metal handcuffs, they have these leather ones that won't cut into your wrists...they've got rope cuffs as well. I don't know how you feel about rope bondage, but — "

Sirius peered at the selection of cuffs, trying to really think about what he wanted instead of just going with the first thing he saw. “I… like the idea of being able to undo them easily? So maybe not rope? I like the leather ones.” Sirius cleared his throat, suddenly hyper aware of Remus’ hand on his back.

"Leather it is, then." Remus agreed, reaching up to grab a pair off of the hook on the wall. "I…" He paused, biting his lower lip. "I sort of like the idea of rope? Eventually? I dunno, maybe it's the Army Brat in me, I like rope." He laughed nervously and shrugged. "But we definitely don't need to jump into that right away."

Sirius gave a short nod. He’d always liked watching Remus do those intricate things, rolling cigarettes, working that typewriter he’s picked up for dirt cheap from a newspaper advert. Maybe it would be  _ good _ to watch him do that to Sirius, to tie him up. “Yeah… yeah I like the idea of that, too. Not… yet?”

"We'll discuss it more before we decide to try it. If you ever needed to get out right away, I've got plenty of knives I could use. But we'll put that off until we've got a little more experience with having you restrained with the cuffs…" He looked around, humming curiously. "Blindfolds next? Anything's got to be better than that awful one we've been using."

Sirius tried not to linger too much on the idea of Remus cutting him free of ropes. He was right; if Sirius needed to get free, then he could trust that Remus would free him. The thought reassured him infinitely as he turned around and spotted what looked to be the blindfold section. “I agree. That one we have is shite. I can see under the edges.”

They wound up picking a soft, silk-made blindfold, along with the leather cuffs, as well as a large bottle of lubricant that the girl at the counter recommended, which was supposedly very soft and long lasting. They'd paid for everything and left the shop feeling much more confident and excited to see how much better things would be with more comfortable and durable equipment. 

"What do you want for dinner? There's that Ramen place somewhere. I think it’s only a block or two away…" Remus suggested, though Sirius could tell he was just as anxious to get home as he was.

“Orrr,” Sirius said, putting his arm around Remus. “We could go home and have fantastic sex and then order in?”

Remus laughed. "Well, I was thinking maybe you'd need the energy for later. Plus,I thought we could take a moment to sit and discuss some things. But, if you'd really rather skip it, we could just take things home?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying you’re right, but I suppose. Sitting and discussing will probably be good?” He was thinking about that moment of panic, when Remus had pulled back and he was blindfolded. Maybe talking over things would help?

Remus gave Sirius an unreadable look before a smile appeared on his face. "Aw, look at you wanting to have a discussion and negotiate things. I'm so proud of my Good Boy and his emotional growth," Remus snickered and reached to ruffle Sirius' hair, teasingly. 

“Oi!” Sirius ducked out of the way, grabbing Remus’ hand. “That is unfair in public, you little shit. I will never shag you ever again.”

"Shall I return the cuffs and the blindfold then?" Remus was still laughing. "I'm only teasing you, love. Just the other day you refused to talk about any of this, now look at you? Requesting collars and leashes, setting hard limits against — what was it? Ah, sticking metal rods in your dick, right…"

Sirius tried not to gag. “Christ, Remus. I’m not going to promise anything. I hate talking about this shit, but if it makes it good for you–-?”

Remus stopped laughing, looking away. "Sorry." He glanced back at Sirius with a guilty expression. "I shouldn't tease you about it; I know you're uncomfortable." 

“God, don’t give me those eyes.” Sirius drew him closer, pecking a quick kiss on his lips. “I’m just being a dick because… well, I  _ am  _ a dick. What I want is to just jump into this and have you magically read my mind, but that’s not going to happen, you know?”

Remus visibly relaxed and brought their hands up to kiss Sirius' knuckles. "I know. It's just...this is why I'm not too sure about all the name calling stuff. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make you uncomfortable in a bad way." 

Sirius smiled softly. “Yeah… that makes sense. Let’s put the name calling on the back burner; until we understand this a bit better?”

Remus nodded, returning Sirius' smile just as they approached the Ramen restaurant. "I don't think I realised how hungry I was. All of this kinky shit works up an appetite, eh?" 

“Remus, babe. You are  _ always _ hungry.”

Remus shrugged. "Food is comforting. No matter where Da dragged me off to live, at least I could find where the good food in the area was, you know?" He pushed the door open. "Come on. The sooner you stop mocking my eating habits, the sooner we can get home."

\--

Remus was thankful that Sirius had agreed to sit and have dinner before they went home. As eager as he was to get back to the flat and continue exploring this new dynamic they had fallen into, he felt slightly overwhelmed by everything they had seen in the sex shop. 

His mind was still reeling over how much he enjoyed the things they had already tried. He had never even thought of himself as a particularly dominant person until Sirius had suggested they give it a go. Nevermind the idea that his boyfriend, Sirius Black — who had taken orders from no one his entire life — would want Remus to tell him what to do. Now his brain was supplying him with all sorts of scenarios involving toys and rope and  _ Sirius on his knees, hands tied behind his back with one of those plugs in his arse and calling Remus 'Sir' before opening his mouth and letting Remus fuck into it. _

He needed to take a breather and really think things through. 

They sat in a cozy booth towards the back of the small restaurant and ordered their food, both of them practically bursting out of their seats for the waiter to walk away so they could talk.

Once the waiter did walk away, Remus let out a long breath and turned back to Sirius. "Okay so...we agreed we'd like to try the whole collar and leash thing, right? Did you see anything else in there that you were interested in?"

Sirius was twirling his chopsticks between his fingers, glancing absently around the restaurant before looking back to Remus. “Yeah.” Remus saw his throat bob with a swallow. “I… like the names. Good names, I mean. Calling you Sir and you calling me… you know.”

Remus suppressed a shiver as Sirius uttered the word  _ 'Sir' _ . It was almost embarrassing how much he liked it. Maybe it was because he knew that Sirius had never and would never call anyone else by that. He just didn't know he had been harbouring this need to be so controlling and powerful over another person. 

He nodded along with what Sirius was saying, ducking his head to take a bite of the ramen noodles wrapped around his chopsticks. "Yeah, I like that too. Er...I was wondering…" He wasn't sure how to approach this one. It was a thought that had crossed his mind the other night, and then again in the store when he passed a row of paddles. It felt like even saying the word would feel ridiculous. The store had used a different word though. What had it been? "Uhhh...have you ever thought — or would you be interested in _ …impact _ ?" 

No, that wasn't any less ridiculous than the word  _ 'spanking' _ . His cheeks burned red. 

Sirius paused with a piece of noodle hanging out of his mouth as he looked up at Remus, apparently caught off guard. “What, like spanking?”

Remus choked and sputtered a bit around his food. "Um...y — yeah."  _ For fuck's sake, Lupin, you can't even say it, how do you expect to actually do it? " _ Spanking…"

A smile spread over Sirius’ lips, wry and mischievous and so completely  _ him _ , before he seized the spoon from his ramen and smacked it onto Remus’ bare arm. “Spanking, Remus. Spanking.” His voice  _ had _ to be too loud for the restaurant–- Christ what if the couple the next table overheard him. “Spanking.”

Remus' eyes went wide and he flinched away from Sirius' spoon, rubbing at his arm. "Laugh it up, Black. It's your arse that's going to get beat." He reached across the table and yanked the spoon out of Sirius' hand. "And could you be any louder?  _ Fuck… _ "

Sirius just laughed, eating some more of his noodles. “When, in my life, have I ever been quiet, babe?” He chewed for a moment and swallowed, then his grey eyes met Remus’ and he looked far more earnest than a moment ago. “We could try  _ impact _ . I think it would be… fun.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow up at him. "If you have so much trouble staying quiet, maybe you need one of those gags as well? They had one shaped like a dog bone. I think you'd just  _ love _ that, being such a  _ Good Boy _ and all."

“Jesus,” Sirius coughed, his eyes going wide. “I thought you liked me running my mouth in bed?”

Remus smirked, wrapping more noodles around his chopsticks. "I do. I'm just saying some silence is occasionally nice. And I think you'd look sexy as hell." 

He could definitely imagine it.  _ Sirius looking up at him desperately, moaning around a gag with drool pouring out of his mouth.  _

_ Okay, Lupin, tone it down a notch, we're in public. _

Remus shifted in his seat as his cock twitched with interest. "Not the dog bone one, I was joking about that part." 

Sirius tutted, his wry grin back in place. “Were you? That’s a shame.”

He narrowed his eyes for a moment and then shrugged. "If that's what you want, fine."

“Good, good.” Sirius ate more of his ramen, grinning around the chopsticks. “So, what shall we do tonight?”

A slow smile crept across Remus' face as he thought of some of the things he wanted to try. "Well, obviously we need to test out these new cuffs and make sure they're comfortable…then we'll take it from there and see what happens."

They finished their ramen and debated briefly over the sweet chocolate pancakes before deciding they’d rather go home for a more metaphorical dessert. Remus kept looking atto the bag Sirius was holding;, the cuffs, the blindfold. His mind so readily supplemented them onto Sirius, imagining his high cheekbones beneath the blindfold, growing flushed, imagining his fingers clenching beneath the cuffs.

The subway ride home felt like it took forever, and Remus thought he may not be able to help himself from actually running back to the flat, but he managed to hold himself back, squeezing Sirius' hand tightly to keep from getting overly excited. 

Once they opened the door, all bets were off., Before the door even closed behind them, Remus was shoving Sirius against the wall and crushing their lips together in a deep and desperate kiss. Sirius chuckled into the kiss, pressing his body against Remus’. His hands stroked up Remus’ arms, tightening into his curls.

Remus' tongue slid along Sirius' bottom lip before forcing itself into his mouth and curling possessively around Sirius'. He moaned into it, grinding their hips together to let Sirius feel how hard he was already. Sirius gave him a little growl in response, tightening his grip on Remus’ hair as he rolled his hips against Remus’.

“Fuck, you’re so — ” Sirius groaned, muttered against his lips. “What do you wanna do to me,  _ Sir? _ ”

Remus bit down on Sirius' bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and trying to let his brain catch up to him. "I want...I want you to go to the bedroom, take off your clothes and kneel on the floor with your hands behind your back...can you do that for me?"

Sirius’ breath hitched. “Yeah, yeah I can do that, Sir,” he said softly, kissing Remus again before stepping back just a little.

Remus couldn't help but stare at him. Sirius' hair was already a bit wild from the wind outside and his pupils were blown out, lips red and bruised. "You're fucking perfect." He uttered, a little out of breath already. "Go on, get to the bedroom. Leave that on the bed." He nodded to the bag with the cuffs and blindfold. 

A grin spread over Sirius’ face at the compliment before he stepped back and ducked into the bedroom. He shut the door almost all the way, leaving it just open enough to be  _ tempting _ ; just open enough to show glimpses of Sirius’ bare skin. It would feel almost secretive, peering through that little gap in the door; like looking when he knew he shouldn’t. But Remus  _ could _ look; like this, Sirius was his to look at.

Remus rubbed a hand over his face, taking a few slow breaths. Last time he had gotten overly excited and it was over far too quickly. He didn't want that to happen again. He wanted to drag this out as long as he could and really enjoy it, see how far he could push. 

Once he felt the fog clear from his head, he headed into the bedroom, slipping inside and closing the door all the way with a soft click. His breath immediately caught in his throat the moment his eyes landed on Sirius. It was better than he had imagined it in his head.

Sirius Black, all dark hair and flawless pale skin, was kneeling on their threadbare bedroom carpet, gloriously naked. The low light washed over him, highlighting the sharpness of his collarbones, the smattering of hair down his stomach. His arms were behind his back just like Remus had told him, and his grey eyes were downcast. At the click of the bedroom door, he looked up, smiling at Remus.

_ "Holy shit." _ Remus muttered. His mouth felt dry all of a sudden, and he tried to swallow past it. "You listened so well, baby." He stepped closer so he could pet his hand over Sirius' hair. "Good boy." 

Sirius’ smile widened just a little, his eyes slipping closed. “Thank you Sir,” he murmured, barely more than a whisper but it sounded  _ so  _ loud in Remus’ head.  _ Sir. _

It was nearly impossible for Remus to take his eyes off of Sirius long enough to step away and empty the bag onto the bed. Remus grabbed the cuffs right away, but at the last moment he decided to forgo the blindfold. He wanted to be able to see Sirius' eyes this time. 

Remus slowly approached his lover again, dropping down to his knees beside him to secure the cuffs around his wrists, behind his back. "How's that?" He asked, his breath hot against Sirius' ear.

“Shit… yeah, yeah that’s good.”

Remus pressed a quick kiss to the spot behind Sirius' ear before he stood up and took a step back. His heart was pounding in his chest as he took his time removing his own clothes. He kept his eyes locked on Sirius the entire time, being careful not to miss the near desperate look on Sirius' face when he freed his own cock from his trousers and kicked them aside along with his briefs. 

Remus wrapped a hand around his cock, then, giving it a few long, slow pulls and watching Sirius' eyes go wide and his chest begin to flush. Sirius’ tongue came out to wet his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving Remus’ cock. He couldn’t  _ do _ anything though, just had to kneel there and  _ look. _

Remus stepped back up to stand in front of Sirius. He was at the perfect height, right at eye level with Remus' cock. Remus wrapped his hand around himself again and used the other to reach forward and take a fist full of thick, dark hair. "I want to fuck your mouth, baby...you want that?"

Sirius nodded as much as he could with Remus holding his hair so tight. His grey eyes, full of warmth and dark with desire, flickered up to Remus’ face. “Yes, Sir.”

Remus bit back a moan. "Be a good boy and open your mouth." 

“Yes, sir,” Sirius murmured again, with a wry smirk that lifted one corner of his gorgeous mouth. He did as Remus asked, though, and let his jaw fall lax, his tongue just peeking out over his bottom lip.  _ Fuck _ , he looked almost obscene like that.

Remus tugged his hair sharply, using it to tilt Sirius’ head back enough for him to slide his cock past Sirius' lips. He moaned, then, as he was slowly engulfed in the tight wet heat of Sirius' mouth. 

"Fuck…" Remus gasped when he felt the head of his cock hit the back of Sirius' throat, the muscles there fluttering around him. He kept a tight hold on Sirius' hair, keeping him from moving his head. "Shit, you feel so fucking good…"

The hand that wasn't in Sirius' hair moved to stroke his thumb along a sharp cheekbone. "Ready?" 

Sirius blinked and made an affirmative sounding hum. Remus thought for a moment that he quite missed the pressure of Sirius’ hands on his thighs or hips or moulded to his backside and urging him deeper, but then he thought about Sirius aching to touch him, of his fists clenching with the need. It would be so worth it…

"Good boy." He said softly, enjoying the way Sirius moaned around him, sending vibrations through his body. He gave Sirius another brief moment to prepare himself before he pulled out almost all the way and then thrust roughly back in. 

Sirius groaned, more vibrations shuddering through Remus, but his mouth was _ so hot and wet.  _ Remus was suddenly so glad he’d left the blindfold off because the sight of Sirius’ grey eyes looking up at him—God, he was the only person who could smirk with his eyes—was almost as good as his mouth around Remus’ cock, and his mouth was  _ fantastic. _

Remus didn't pause to let Sirius adjust again, and he picked up a fast, rough pace. He thrust in and out of Sirius' perfect, hot mouth, gazing down at him as saliva began to escape out the corners of his lips and drip down his chin. "Shit...fuck, yes. Your mouth is so fucking good, baby.  _ Fuck, _ look at you…"

He still couldn't believe the words he was saying. He never would have thought he could say such filthy things, and he barely recognised his voice as his own. It felt a little strange, to be completely honest, but Sirius' reaction made it so worth it, and for a moment Remus thought maybe...maybe he could take it a step further…

_ Slut...hungry for my cock… _

He stopped moving for a moment, just holding Sirius' head down, gorgeous lips stretched around his cock, nose nearly pressed against him. His eyes were beginning to water.  _ He's so fucking perfect… _

"You were made for this, weren't you? For my cock to fuck your pretty mouth?" Remus' voice shook a little as he said it, and he knew his cheeks were flushed from more than just the excitement of the moment. 

Sirius’ eyes went wide for a brief second before they slipped shut. Remus felt a moan vibrate at the back of Sirius’ glorious throat, the muscles fluttering around the head of his cock. “Mmhmmmm,” was all he managed to get out, eyes still closed.

Remus bit the inside of his cheek, afraid he might actually whimper, which he was sure wasn't a very  _ Dominant _ thing to do. He pulled his cock out all the way and watched as Sirius sputtered and gasped for breath, looking debauched and absolutely gorgeous. "Good boy." He managed, panting hard. 

\--

Sirius tipped his chin up, his breathing sharp and shallow, with what had to be a mix of drool and Remus’ pre-come smeared down his chin. “Fuck,” he coughed out, eyes opening to look up at Remus.

Jesus  _ Christ _ , Sirius couldn’t quite believe what the fuck was happening. Remus was there, standing above him, one hand around his gorgeous cock and the other tangled in Sirius’ hair. He’d been aching to touch,  _ desperate _ to touch Remus; to coax him deeper, or grab his arse, or ease a finger into him whilst he used Sirius’ mouth–- but he couldn’t. The leather cuffs were a damn sight better than the plastic handcuffs, but now Sirius felt truly restrained. He couldn’t have grabbed Remus if he wanted to.

Remus released Sirius' hair to run his fingers through it, his blunt nails scratching gently when he got to a spot behind Sirius' ear that he knew was sensitive. "Alright, love?"

Sirius moaned, his eyes fluttering shut. “Yeah, fuck. Just… need to breathe, a minute.”

“Take a minute. I'm not nearly done with you, but I don't want you getting hurt or anything...tell me when." His fingers were still gently massaging that wonderful spot on Sirius' scalp.

_ I’m not done with you _ . The words seemed to echo in Sirius’ head. Christ, he knew what Remus was going to do with him because they had talked it all over but that phrase still made him shiver all over.  _ He didn’t have a choice. Remus wasn’t done with him. _

Sirius nodded, licking his lips again. “Ready, Sir.”

"You're such a good boy." Remus smiled down at him almost tenderly, but not a moment later he was gripping Sirius under one arm and hauling him to his feet. 

Remus pulled him into a bruising kiss, holding Sirius close to him with arm around his waist to prevent him from stumbling after being on his knees for so long. Sirius instinctively went to wrap his arms around Remus’ waist, wanting to hold onto him and dig his nails into Remus’ back the way he knew he liked, to scratch just a little. He couldn’t, though, and his frustration tumbled out in a groan against Remus’ mouth. His head was spinning: with the praise, with the force of Remus’ kiss, with how electric it felt knowing he was here at Remus’ mercy.

Remus broke the kiss, nipping at Sirius' bottom lip. He looked at him with a hungry expression, licking his own lips. Before Sirius had a chance to catch his breath again, though, he found himself being lead over to the bed and forcefully bent over the side of it.

“Fuck,” was all Sirius managed to say, automatically trying to put his hands out but–-  _ fuck, _ when would he stop trying to do that? He shifted his weight a little, a swell of pleasure building in the pit of his stomach. “Fuck.”

"Spread your legs apart...good boy." Remus' voice sounded almost distant in the dizzying haze that Sirius was in, but he obeyed; spreading his legs and waiting. Remus' hands moved from where they had been holding him down by his shoulder and middle back to his arse, groping and digging his fingers into the flesh. Then his cheeks were being pulled apart and — _ Holy shit _ — Remus' tongue was there.

Sirius moaned, dropping his chin to his chest. Fuck,  _ fuck _ , that was all he could think, just a constant stream of cuss words over and over. They didn’t do this often, especially not with Remus on his knees and his tongue in Sirius’ arse — Sirius could count on one hand the times Remus had done it, and they were all drunken University fumbles. Here, it was fucking  _ electric.  _

Sirius felt his cock twitch between his legs as he tried to find some way to shift his weight and cant his hips back towards Remus’ mouth.

Remus was moaning into him, his tongue flickering teasingly around Sirius' hole and then laving over it. He pulled Sirius' cheeks further apart and wiggled his tongue inside as far as it would go while his hands began to massage Sirius’ cheeks.

“Fuck, Sir,  _ fuck _ .” Sirius just moaned; breath shuddering in and out of his lungs, bent over the bed, and entirely dependant on Remus to hold him up,. He was entirely dependant on Remus;, Remus’  _ tongue _ in his arse — _ fuck _ . 

Remus pulled away just a little bit, still close enough that Sirius could feel his hot breath against him. Just as Sirius was about to whine at the loss, two fingers were slowly being pressed inside him. Sirius heard a moan and it took him just a second to realise it had come out of his mouth; feeling as if he could do nothing but breathe and moan and shudder.

Remus’ fingers inside him were twisting and stretching him open. They moved far too slowly, forcing moans and, embarrassingly, whimpers out of him. They were gone far too soon, though, and Remus was whispering praise to him while he fumbled around for something on the bed. Then the thick head of Remus' cock was pressed against him, slicked with the lube they had bought at the store. 

Sirius moaned sharply, trying to press back against Remus. “Shit, fuck,  _ yes _ .”

A sharp slap to his right arsecheek took the breath out of him from the shock of it. "Stay still." Remus ordered, keeping his voice light despite the fact that he had  _ actually just spanked Sirius  _ while his cock was slowly being pushed inside of him.

“Holy fuck,” Sirius breathed, gasping sharply. “Sir, fuck — _ fuck _ .”

Remus' hands grasped Sirius' hips, squeezing them lightly and groaning when his cock bottomed out, completely buried inside of Sirius' arse. Sirius moaned, trying to fight the urge to shift and arch and meet Remus thrust for thrust because he’d told him to stay still in that voice–-  _ that _ voice, which Sirius couldn’t help but obey.

Remus pulled out all the way, then slid easily back in once, twice. Next, without any warning he began to fuck into Sirius. His cock brushed Sirius' prostate with each thrust, and praise was practically spilling from his mouth.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good...you're so fucking tight and hot...so fucking good for me…" his hand was still on Sirius' arse, massaging and groping while he fucked into him at a brutal pace.

Sirius sobbed out another moan, feeling like his whole body was clenching and shuddering with every single thrust; every time Remus’ perfect cock hit his prostate. Remus’ praise was echoing around in his head: the pet name, the fucking lurid dirty talk. They had talked like this before, of course–-  _ Christ _ , they had been together for long enough–- but it had never felt like this; never made Sirius’ cock twitch for attention so desperately, never made his head spin like it was.

Everything other than Remus had suddenly blurred around the edges and ceased to exist.

_His_ _voice, low in Sirius' ear. Remus' cock buried deep inside of him and pounding into him so hard it drowned out everything, including Sirius' own heartbeat. Remus' hands touching him, holding him, supporting him. Nothing mattered other than Sirius' desire to please Remus, to make him proud. He was nothing, nothing, nothing - only whatever Remus wanted him to be, whatever Remus said he was -_

There was another sharp slap to his arse. "Sirius, I asked you a question — "  _ Had he?  _

The slap stung and Sirius wondered vaguely how red his arse would be, if it would leave a mark. But then he remembered Remus had asked him a question. “Wh — what? Sir.”

A hand found its way into Sirius' hair, pulling him up until he was flush against Remus' body. "Do you want to come for me?" Remus ground out, clearly having trouble holding out also. 

Fuck, did he? Sirius wasn’t sure if he could even think, wasn’t sure if he could speak to answer Remus’ question; but that would get him another spank, wouldn’t it?  _ That _ made Sirius’ cock twitch again. 

He tipped his head back onto Remus’ shoulder, biting his lip around a moan. “Fuck — yeah — yes, yes Sir.”

Another smack. " _ Please." _

Sirius swallowed around the word that spilled out of his mouth. “Please.” It sounded just like he was an echo of Remus’ voice, like the word had somehow short-circuited around his brain. Of course he wanted to, he just wanted to make Remus happy; make him  _ proud _ . “ _ Please. _ ”

Remus moaned loudly, still pounding mercilessly into him, but the hand on Sirius' arse slid around to his front and wrapped around his cock; squeezing and pulling and twisting at the tip, thumbing over his slit. "Good boy. Come for me, baby."

_ Good boy _ . 

“Fuck — fuck, please. Please, Sir.” 

Wait, he had said yes already, hadn’t he? Sirius couldn’t stop the word coming out of his mouth again; his hips bucking between Remus’ cock deep in him and his hand squeezing tight, twisting and stroking and doing  _ everything _ Sirius could even comprehend. 

He came with a sharp moan, a  _ whimper _ , and he could distantly feel his own body clenching around Remus.

"Fuck...yes. That's it...Fuck that's…" Remus moaned, forcing Sirius back down on the bed and thrusting into him once, twice, before he was coming. Sirius could feel every damn pulse of his cock as Remus' come filled him up until, finally, Remus slumped forward, breathing hard against the back of Sirius' neck. 

He pressed a kiss behind Sirius' ear as he gingerly pulled out and removed the cuffs from Sirius' wrists.

"Fuck, Sirius...that...that was so…fuck."

Sirius just managed to turn his head to the side, breathing hard. “Fuck.”

Remus' arm wrapped carefully around his waist, probably so that Sirius could stand properly, without his knees giving out. His legs did feel a bit like jelly as Remus helped him up on the bed. 

"Was that alright? I didn't...I didn't hurt you or anything, right?" 

Sirius groaned, nodding. “No, you didn’t hurt me. Fuck, that was so good.”  _ More than good _ . Sirius felt as if he was floating, still. He felt like he was high on some sort of drug.

Remus let out a breathy laugh, sounding relieved. "Fuck…" he collapsed back onto the pillows. "Wanna share a cigarette, love? I could definitely use one. Come here…" he opened his arms, waiting for Sirius to come and lay down with him. 

“Yeah — cigarette sounds good. Fuck, Jesus…” Sirius crawled up and flopped down onto the bed, moving a little closer. He reached out for the cigarette packet on the nightstand with one boneless-feeling hand, barely managing to get a hold of it. He couldn’t  _ think _ . 

Remus' eyes were on him, looking vaguely curious as Sirius fumbled with the lighter. "Here, let me do it. You're still a little fucked out, I think." Remus chuckled, reaching to take the cigarette and lighter from him.

“I can do it,” Sirius snapped, before he’d even realised the words were out of his mouth. He turned away a little, tightening his fingers around the lighter. He took a slow drag of the cigarette, but felt he was nearly choking on the inhale.

Remus frowned at him, carefully taking the cigarette and placing it between his own lips. He took a drag from it and sat up a little, resting on one elbow. "Sirius, are you sure you're okay?" He blew the smoke out, placing one hand on Sirius' cheek. "Hey, look at me…"

Sirius  _ flinched _ , fighting the urge from somewhere behind his ribs that made him want to just curl up in a ball and tell Remus to  _ fuck off _ . “I’m fine, Remus.”

Remus didn't seem to believe him. He was still watching him intently, looking confused and worried. "Alright...here," his voice was very soft as Remus offered the cigarette back.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Sirius took the cigarette back, shifting to sit up a little better. His fingers were shaking around the filter of the cigarette as he took a drag. Sirius felt lightheaded, and he was sure the nicotine wasn’t helping.

"Because you're snapping at me…" Remus' fingers gently wrapped around one of Sirius' wrists. "And you're shaking…" He sat all the way up. "I'm going to grab some water from the kitchen, okay? I'll be right back." Remus got up and padded out of the room, not bothering to pull any sweatpants on.

Sirius slumped back onto the bed, holding a hand up to confirm that it really was shaking before letting it fall back down. Fuck, what was wrong with him? That was some of the best sex of his life and now he wanted to shout and scream and throw things; and also like he might just break down and cry, which only served to agitate him more. 

Remus’ footsteps echoed down the hallway, until–-until Sirius couldn’t hear him. 

Remus had been here, he had been so sweet and rough and called Sirius his _good boy_ , but now he was gone. 

Everything felt cold and Sirius’ heart started to beat very quickly. It was hard to even breathe. The only thing he could think to do was to curl up on his side and hope that Remus was going to come back.  _ Why did he leave? What if he didn’t come back because Sirius had snapped at him? What if Remus didn’t think he was a Good Boy anymore? _

“Shit…” 

The bedroom door opened, but Sirius couldn’t lift his head to look towards it. 

“Hey…” Remus said softly, and Sirius saw his feet across the carpet, drawing closer. “Sirius?” Remus’ warm hands were framing his face. “Sirius, what’s wrong? What happened? Did I do something wrong?” He sounded so worried.

“I...I don’t know.” Sirius managed, curling in tighter around himself. His vision was going a little fuzzy around the edges. “Remus, I — ”

Remus’ thumb brushed over the top of his cheekbone, his amber eyes wide. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay…Can you sit up? Try to have some water?” 

Sirius nodded, his hand blindly grasping for Remus’ arm. Remus helped pull him up and sat on the edge of the bed, curling a protective arm around him and pressing a glass of water into his hand. “Fuck, Sirius, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I did wrong, I- why didn’t you use a safe word?”

“Didn’t need to--I… It felt fine until we stopped?”

“Drink, love.” Remus instructed softly. He carefully helped bring the glass to Sirius’ lips. Sirius closed his eyes, drinking gingerly. “Do you need anything? What can I do? I want to fix this…” 

“I don’t know…” Sirius just dug his fingers into Remus’ forearm. He had to stay. “Just… all of a sudden.”

Remus nodded along, his thumb slowly stroking Sirius' shoulder where his hand was resting there, still holding Sirius close to him. "Okay… it's okay. I'm sure it's some sort of, I dunno, adrenaline loss or something. We'll figure it out, love. You're okay. I'm not going anywhere."


	4. Subspace, Subdrop and Aftercare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subspace/Domspace: Subspace/Domspace is the altered psychological state of being that is often represented by actions, feelings, thoughts and images brought on by adrenaline and endorphin waves and spikes that may occur during a scene.
> 
> Drop: Drop (sometimes called sub drop, dom drop and "The Mondays") is an experience with similar characteristics of depression that occurs after an intense SM scene. It is caused by adrenaline and endorphin crashes after the adrenaline and endorphin spikes that may occur during a scene.
> 
> Aftercare: Aftercare refers specifically to the attention given to a partner (usually the bottom) at the end of a Scene. Aftercare often includes the Top utilizing various pampering techniques on the Bottom, in an effort to provide comfort to everyone after having an intense experience that can leave an individual (top or bottom) in a vulnerable state.This is not always the case, though.

  
  


"I know you don't like talking about things, but I think this deserves some sort of explanation. We can't ignore it if we want to keep doing this, can we?" Remus kept his voice gentle and calm, even though he was panicking on the inside, still. 

It had been about an hour since Sirius' minor meltdown, and after forcing him to finish a glass of water and take some breaths, Sirius seemed to be back to normal, albeit very tired. 

Now they were lying in bed, curled around each other with Remus running his fingers through Sirius' hair. "Tell me what happened? You seemed fine…"

“I don’t know…” Sirius sighed, sounding exhausted. “I’m just tired… it’s like, I dunno, everything rushed out of me all at once.”

Remus nodded slowly and nuzzled into Sirius' hair. "And everything we did… you promise you liked it all, right? How did you feel then?" He pressed his lips to the top of Sirius' head. "Sorry, I'm just… I'm trying to understand so that we can fix it next time." 

He was worried. He was worried that he had done something wrong and that Sirius just didn't want to admit that he had reached some sort of hard limit like the stubborn arse he was. Sirius had seemed a little more out of it than usual towards the end. He had become distinctly less vocal than he normally was when they fucked, and even seemed as if he had spaced out a few times. 

_ I should have stopped to check on him more often,  _ Remus thought, guiltily. "I'm sorry, love," he murmured into the dark hair.

Sirius shook his head, tendrils of black hair swirling over Remus’ shoulder. “I loved it all, I promise. I just… I felt like I wasn’t really here. In the best way?”

Remus frowned and stroked Sirius' hair away from his face. He wanted to ask a million more questions, he wanted to pull out his phone and start googling what could have caused such a drastic reaction. But Sirius sounded exhausted, and if Remus was being completely honest with himself, he was ready to pass out, also. "Okay...thank you, I know you're uncomfortable talking about all of… this. You should get some sleep." 

“I know… I just… I don’t really understand why I snapped at you.” Sirius rolled onto his back, rubbing his hands over his face. “Let’s just sleep?”

Remus gave him a tired smile, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder and throwing an arm over his chest. "Of course." He reached up, putting a hand on Sirius' cheek to tilt his face down to the right angle for him to brush their lips together. "I love you."

He could feel Sirius smile into the kiss, his arm locking around Remus’ shoulder. “I love you too babe. We can… I don’t know, either pretend this never happened, or you can roll up your sleeves and do some bloody research, eh?”

"Oh, you can absolutely bet we're doing research." Remus chuckled, snuggling in closer and stroking his fingers lightly over Sirius' hip bone. 

“We can’t just pretend this never happened?” Sirius murmured, pressing his mouth against Remus’ hair.

Remus sighed and shook his head. "You know I can't do that. I'm a journalist; research is engraved into my soul at this point… plus, I just… I want to make sure this doesn't happen again. I don't want you to feel badly after we do this. Especially when I've been saying and doing certain…  _ things… _ to you. You know?"

“Yeah… it was really hot? I didn’t think I could speak at one point. And fine; you research babe.I can’t stop you.”

Remus yawned, his eyelids beginning to feel heavy. "Mhmmmm… I will." He smiled and nuzzled into Sirius' neck. "Gotta take care of my Good Boy, don't I?" He kissed Sirius' neck just below his ear. "Good night, love."

Sirius gave a contented hum, sleepy and low. “Mm, goodnight, babe.”

The next few days at the office wound up being more demanding than Remus had planned. A scandal had broken out involving Barty Crouch Jr, the son of Barty Crouch — a highly respected and influential politician —which had resulted in the young man's immediate arrest, with a court date to be announced. 

Every media outlet across Great Britain would be talking of nothing else for weeks to come at the very least, and any journalist worth their salt would be fighting tooth and nail to get anywhere near that trial. 

Of course, Gilderoy Lockhart was waltzing about the office, speaking about it as if he had been given a personal invitation by Mr. Crouch himself to cover the trial. The sad part was Remus had no doubt that, if anyone from their pathetic little tabloid was going to have a chance at even a clickbait social media article, it would no doubt be that insufferable, gloating peacock, anyway. 

After staring at the blank screen of his work email in an attempt to muster up the courage to request a chance at covering  _ any _ available angle of the breaking news, Remus shook the idea from his head. He would probably be assigned some ridiculous fluffer piece about grade school children's attempts to get the potholes around the city filled in again, and that would be that. 

For the moment, Slughorn had put a rush on all pre existing assignments and had them all working on several articles at once, determined to get them done and published before any more information on the Crouch Trial surfaced. 

However, even with the high demands at work forcing him to put the physical aspect of his and Sirius' expanding dynamic on the back burner for a few days, Remus couldn't help the way his mind continued to replay Sirius' sudden change in behavior after their Scene that night. He refused to just  _ Pretend it had never happened.  _

Before Remus could stop himself, he had opened up his private browser once again, chewing at his bottom lip as he tried to think of what exactly he was even trying to look up. 

_ Help! My submissive boyfriend had a  _ _ fit  _ _ after I consensually tied him up and fucked him senseless? _

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius was prone to dramatics, so why did this particular situation have to mean anything was out of the ordinary at all? 

_ This hadn't been like that though.  _ Remus sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes. Sirius' post-coital mood swing wasn't anything like Remus had ever seen from his boyfriend at all and, to be frank, it had terrified him a little. 

_ Submissive partner became depressed and withdrawn soon after ending a bdsm scene.  _

Much to Remus' surprise, his browser immediately supplied a list of links, all seeming to contain two common phrases:

**_Subspace_ ** and  **_Subdrop._ **

He hadn't even clicked anything yet and already he felt himself breathe a sigh of relief. If there were this many resources on the topic, it must mean that was a common enough occurrence, and there had to be some sort of solution. 

Remus scrolled down a bit, surpassing the now familiar sites that had proven to be cringeworthy the last few times he had done "research" of this kind until one caught his eye. It was a sex life and health zine by the look of it, and the article in question was titled  **_BDSM SUBSPACE EXPLAINED BY SOMEONE WHO HAS ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED IT._ **

Not the catchiest headline, but Remus could appreciate the blunt honesty behind it. 

_ "In this article we are going to explore the emotional and psychological aspects of a bdsm scene as experienced by the submissive/bottom partner. This altered state of being, which is brought upon by the sudden influx of endorphins and adrenaline, is known as "Subspace"." _

_ Well, that makes sense, I suppose... _ Remus thought, the cap of his pen caught between his teeth as he continued to skim through the article. 

_"Subspace is an attainable goal for a submissive partner, presenting as a_ _trance-like euphoria, in which problems and worries disappear and only the submissive and their dominant partner exist."_

_ "Different and unique experience for everyone." _

_ "Release of natural chemicals contributing to a drug like ‘high’ and an increase of pain tolerance." _

_ "often described as 'floaty', 'dizzying' or 'flying', Subspace is the ultimate goal for a submissive." _

_ Yes, that definitely sounds like what Sirius had described _ . There were mentions of going nonverbal or incoherent during the scene, and for Doms and Tops to be aware of body language when verbal safewords may no longer be possible. It definitely made perfect sense, now that Remus saw it spelled out in front of him.  _ But what about- _ ? 

_ "What Goes Up, Must Come Down - The Drop."  _

" _ Some subs may become weepy, agitated and lethargic as the natural high wears off.  _ **_Aftercare_ ** _ is an important and mandatory part of any scene to ensure that emotional and mental safety are being maintained for both the Submissive and Dominant Partners."  _

Remus sat back in his seat, puffing out his cheeks. Okay, this made sense. That was clearly what happened to Sirius, wasn’t it? He’d said he felt  _ floaty _ , and then when Remus left to get water, he… dropped, if that was the word. But how were they meant to stop that happening next time?

"Reeeeeeemus!"

_ Fuck. _

Remus quickly minimised the browser on his screen and spun around in his chair, despite every bone in his body screaming at him not to do it. There was just something about Gilderoy Lockhart that made Remus want to punch him in his too-bright teeth. "Yes, Gil?" 

“Oh, Horace and I were just chatting,” he said, leaning his hip against the side of Remus’ cubicle. Remus swallowed down a little huff because Gil always did that: used first names like he and Slughorn were best mates. “About the Crouch Trial, you know? And then I remembered you had that article to write about the graffiti near the courthouse. Thought I’d… check in with you, dear.” 

Remus gritted his teeth. "How thoughtful of you. Was there something I could help you with? I'm a little busy…"

“Help  _ me _ ,” Gil replied with a little chuckle, running a hand through his overly coiffed blonde hair. “No, no. I’m just doing the rounds, as it were. Making sure no one is overworked before the Crouch Trial assignments. Wouldn’t want anyone to be... unfairly overlooked due to workload.”

"Uh, Nope. I'm just fine, thanks." Remus forced out, his hand twitching on the computer mouse. "In fact, my article is nearly finished, so; nothing to worry about here. Er… _ Albus _ actually stopped by earlier to ask me about the Crouch Trial. You know, to see if I was interested…"  _ Why? Why would he say that? Dumbledore had done nothing of the sort. God, but he wanted to hit something… _ "I told him I'd have to think about it."

Gilderoy’s eyebrows shot up for a moment before he recovered, his expression switching back to his usual smug smile. “Oh, he did? Perhaps he’s speaking to a few of us then, hm?” He tapped his nose and gave Remus a  _ wink _ \--ugh--before laughing.

Remus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from rolling his eyes. "It would seem so. Good luck then, eh?" 

“Same to you, Remus!” Gilderoy clapped his hands. “May the best journalist win!”

Remus watched him flounce away, suddenly aware of how tense every muscle in his body had become. He took a deep breath as he settled back in his chair, then, running a hand over his face. "Smooth, Lupin. Real smooth." 

\----------

Sirius leaned his elbows on the counter as he looked around the coffee shop. It was the mid afternoon lull; just after lunchtime, but not before the office workers finished up for the day. Alice, the other barista, was cleaning out a few milk jugs in the sink and humming some new pop song Sirius couldn’t put his finger on. Never one to be able to stay still for too long, Sirius slapped a hand on the counter before striding around it.

“Just going to clean some tables, Al. I’ll get customers if they come in,” he told his coworker, grabbing a cloth on his way.

When he did something like this, something repetitive and boring, it was easy enough for his brain to drift off to think of other things. Like usual, his mind went right to Remus. They had been exploring some kind of power dynamic between them, and their attempt a few days ago went much better than the last.

Well, the first part did, anyhow. The aftermath was less pleasant. Sirius couldn’t shake the way he felt sort of unstable after Remus undid the handcuffs and let him sprawl on the bed. He felt as if he were trying to swim back to his body through treacle, but didn’t know what to do about it. Remus was the one who researched and googled everything. Hell, the man probably had a file folder full of ideas and things to talk about. The idea made Sirius’ skin crawl-- _ talking _ about what he wanted or, even worse,  _ needed? _

What Sirius needed, he thought, just as he did every time the question came up, was a good, hard fuck, and to not to have to think about a single thing. What he needed was to know all he had to do was  _ be good _ . Remus wanted to dig deeper than that though, not to mention detail all of their kinks and interests on his bloody checklists. Sirius hated that idea too, having to go down and check boxes and be confronted with how perverse some of the things that floated around his head actually were. He wanted Remus to just  _ do them _ . 

God, he could remember the  _ good _ parts of their last scene--that was what Remus referred to them as, right?--perfectly, though. Hands cuffed behind his back, Remus’  _ tongue _ working him open, Remus’  _ cock _ deep inside him.  _ Fuck _ .

Sirius cleared his throat and straightened up from wiping the last table, distantly glad for his apron being able to hide the beginnings of a semi beneath his jeans. That was not an avenue he could go down at work, dammit. 

Searching for a distraction, Sirius cast his gaze around the coffee shop, landing on the television on the wall in the corner. The volume was turned down, replaced by the soundtrack of cheesy lounge songs, but there were subtitles passing across the screen. The news was playing; a reporter stood in front of a courthouse, with people bustling behind him. Sirius didn’t make a habit of watching the news, but he had heard about the Crouch Trial.

The fact that Sirius had grown up with Barty Crouch Jr. made him sick to the stomach. He knew this man or, at least, used to. He knew the child he used to be, before Sirius saw sense and got the hell out of that house and on to University. He knew he should turn away; go do something at the sink or go out the back for a smoke, but he stood, instead, leaning against a table and watching.

_ And now _ , the subtitles read,  _ an interview with one of Crouch Jr’s lawyers, Regulus Black _ .

Sirius’ blood ran cold as his estranged brother’s face appeared on the television. He clenched his hand so hard around the cloth he was holding that the liquid inside spilled up over his fist and dripped onto the floor. Sirius couldn’t quite unclench his jaw, watching in horror as his  _ brother _ vouched for some corrupt businessman--one that Sirius had grown up with, too.

At once, something snapped in Sirius and he turned, stalking back over to the counter to throw the cloth down before storming into the back office. The door slammed behind him; the noise swiftly followed by Alice’s shriek of surprise, but Sirius didn’t care as he stalked over to his jacket and rifled through it for his cigarettes. He needed a smoke. He needed to go to the courthouse and grab his brother by the front of that expensive shirt and shake some fucking sense into him. 

“Sirius; you alright, mate?” Frank, the manager, poked his head out of the office.

“Fine,” Sirius practically spat. “I’m taking a smoke break.” Usually he’d  _ ask _ for one, but Sirius thought that if Frank said no, he might just walk out anyway.

Frank crossed over to him, his brow furrowed. “Nah, just go home, mate. We’re nearly done anyway. Alice and I can close up.”

Sirius swallowed, turning his lighter around between his fingers. He didn’t want Frank to pity him or anything. He was  _ fine _ .

“Sirius,” Frank continued, chuckling, “if you try and serve a customer looking like that, I think they’d run screaming, or at least complain. Go home. Go sort whatever you need to sort, right?”

With a curt nod, Sirius plucked his jacket from the hooks in the hallway. “Right. Thanks, Frank. G’night.” 

Sirius didn’t wait for an answer before he strode out through the fire escape, toward where he usually took smoke breaks, then around to the street. The coffee shop was within walking distance of the flat, thankfully, so Sirius shoved one hand in his jacket pocket as he walked and smoked, trying to burn off some of that energy.

Regulus, the cowardly little git, was here supporting Crouch in all his shady dealings, and his parents were probably proud of their little lawyer son. Sirius scoffed to himself and stubbed his cigarette out without breaking stride. And if he hadn’t seen sense and left, it would probably be  _ him _ up there in a three-piece suit, spouting legal bullshit and defending bigots.

He smoked another cigarette on the walk and stubbed it out on the bricks outside the flat before going in. He had walked twice as fast in his anger, which meant he probably smoked twice as fast, too, but today Sirius didn’t really give a fuck. With a clatter, he stormed into the flat, slamming the door behind him, kicking off his boots and throwing his keys onto the side table. “Fuck’s  _ sake _ ,” he said to no one in particular, raking a hand through his hair. At least Remus wouldn’t quite be home yet.

“Sirius? What on earth are you- Shit, love, what happened?” Remus  _ was  _ home, apparently. He was sitting right there on the sofa with his laptop open and propped up on his knee, and a cup of tea in his hand. Which he then set down on the table in front of him. “Sirius, you’re an hour early. Are you alright?” 

“Fine, Rem,” Sirius said, gesturing broadly with one hand. “I’m fine, just fucking peachy. Fine. Frank sent me home, so I’m definitely  _ fine _ .”

One of Remus’ eyebrows twitched upwards for a moment before he traded that expression for a concerned frown, closing the laptop with a  _ click _ . “What happened? Come sit…” 

He paced over to the sofa but didn’t sit down. “Guess who Crouch Jr’s lawyer is.”

Remus’ face paled a little, and after a moment he nodded. “Oh… Shit, Sirius, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say…” 

Sirius shrugged, pacing a few steps away from the sofa then back again. “Nothing to say, really, is there? My fucking brother is a lawyer for some corrupt, bigoted, racist bastard of a businessman, and our dear parents are probably over the fucking moon.”

“Sirius, stop pacing. Take a breath…”

“I  _ can’t _ .”

“ _ Sirius _ .” There it was. That tone in Remus’ voice that made Sirius’ heart jump into his throat and made him want to listen. 

All at once, Sirius let out a breath and stopped, his shoulders relaxing, fists unclenching from his sides.

Remus wasn’t sitting on the sofa anymore, but Sirius didn’t recall seeing him stand up. Remus was standing right in front of him; his hands resting on both of Sirius’ shoulders, anchoring him. “Breathe, love. I know you’re upset about this, but it’s… you’re not a part of that anymore. You know that, don’t you?” 

Sirius took a breath, then another; his hands coming up to hold onto Remus’ forearms. “Yeah… I…”

“Good…” Remus took a breath with him, his hands moving to Sirius’ hips and pulling him in closer. He kept his hands on Remus’ arms, holding on tightly as if they might stop him from floating away. Remus was close enough for Sirius to feel the other man’s breath on his face, and it was reassuring in some strange way.

“It’s fucking shit…”

“I know it is, but it’s not  _ you. _ ” Remus pressed a kiss to his forehead, and then his lips. “What do you need, love?”

Sirius kissed back, letting the touch ground him. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t involved in this. As far as he was concerned, Regulus Black was a stranger. “I… don’t know.”

Remus sighed into his mouth, nodding his head shallowly. “‘S’okay. You don’t...you don’t have to know… I think I…” Remus pulled back slightly, biting his lip. Sirius read that look in an instant, his lips parting just a little. He wanted to cut Remus off with a kiss, or just sink to his knees right there, but he also wanted to hear Remus  _ tell _ him what to do, to hear the words come out of his mouth. He needed to stop thinking, stop _ being _ . He didn’t want to be anything other than what Remus told him to be.

“Sirius, go to the bedroom and take off your shirt. Kneel at the foot of the bed. I’ll be there in a moment.” 

Sirius swallowed again, hands on Remus’ arms finally loosening enough for him to step back. “Yeah… yes Sir.”

“Good boy.” Remus pressed another kiss to his forehead before he let go of his hips. 

_ There it was _ . Something in Sirius breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped back, then turned to the bedroom. He quickly drew the curtains and threw the clothes he’d left strewn on the bed that morning into the laundry hamper, finding his fingers shaking with anticipation. With another deep breath, he tugged his shirt off, throwing that too in the hamper before kneeling at the foot of the bed.

Sirius let his eyes close as he took another breath, deep and even now. Here, he didn’t have to worry about anything. Remus told him what to do and told him he was  _ good _ . Here he  _ was _ good.

Remus entered the room so quietly that when he finally spoke it almost startled Sirius. “You listened so well, baby.” Remus didn’t get undressed. He did, however, unbutton the cuffs of his sleeves and rolled them up to his elbows. “I want to try something a little different, but I need you to be honest with me and let me know if something bothers you, okay?” 

Sirius raked his gaze over Remus, drinking him in like this, standing above Sirius with that look in his eyes. He shifted, making sure to listen,  _ really _ listen. “Yes Sir,” he said, his mind already running away with what this  _ something different _ might be.

Remus’ breath shook as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He reached out, gently cupping Sirius’ chin to tilt his head upwards and capture his lips in a chaste kiss. “I love you.” He stroked his fingers over Sirius’ cheek and kissed him again, this time sweeping his tongue across his bottom lip and into his mouth, quickly deepening the kiss. Sirius sighed into him, his shoulders relaxing even further as he tipped his chin up; lips parting to grant Remus access. His hands clenched for a moment before reaching out and sliding up Remus’ thighs, digging in just a little.

Remus moaned into his mouth; one hand dropping to palm Sirius through his jeans and the other moving back, slowly --too fucking slowly-- until it slid into his hair and finally grasped a fistful at the scalp.

Sirius’ breath slipped out of him in a gasp, the pain of Remus’ grip spreading across his scalp like sparks catching on tinder. His eyes fluttered shut, and Sirius had to swallow before he could speak. “I love you too.”

Remus whispered a slew of swears, sounding bewildered at Sirius’ immediate submission, then he cleared his throat and tugged at Sirius’ hair, using it to pull him off the bed to his feet. Sirius scrambled up to follow him, groaning softly at the sensation, combining with Remus’ swears to make him feel more than a little warm all over. 

“Ahh…” Sirius breathed, blinking to focus on Remus, not wanting to miss a moment of this.

A ghost of a smile passed over Remus’ lips, almost shyly. He leaned in and bit down on the sensitive skin of Sirius’ neck, just below his ear, sucking a mark there. Remus kissed and licked a path down Sirius’ neck to his shoulder; the hand not securing Sirius’ hair making quick work of the button and zipper on Sirius’ jeans.

“Oh,  _ fuck _ .” Sirius’ hips canted towards the touch, Remus’ mouth feeling  _ so warm _ on his neck, biting,  _ marking _ . Sirius shuddered, half-glad for Remus’ hand so tight in his hair to keep him upright.

The hand in his hair tightened. “Watch your mouth.” Remus growled softly as he tugged Sirius’ trousers and pants down with only a little difficulty, helping him kick them off. Then Remus’ hands were on Sirius’ hips, turning him roughly around and bending him over the bed. The apology on the tip of Sirius’ tongue vanished as he stumbled around. This time his hands weren’t bound, so they came up to catch him, back arching a little. His heart was hammering in his throat already, excited and terrified.

Remus’ hands gently stroked over his sides, then his lower back. “Perfect. Stay just like this for me… keep your back straight like that and spread your legs just a bit more…” 

Sirius nodded, as much as he could with Remus’ hand still in his hair. The sound of the word  _ perfect _ coming out of Remus’ mouth was enough to get him to do almost anything, he thought, and stepped his legs a little wider; chest heaving against the sheets.

“Safewords, baby?” 

“Ah… Red for stop, yellow for slow down or--or check in.”

“And how are we feeling so far?” Remus’ free hand was massaging his right arsecheek now.

_ Oh God,  _ how was he feeling? Horny as hell? Ridiculously overwhelmed, and in the best way?  _ Safe? _ In the end, Sirius swallowed and nodded. “Green, very green.”

Another shuddering breath fell from Remus’ lips and the hand on Sirius’ arse squeezed gently. “That’s my good boy.” 

Sirius thought he would never get over the way those two words made him shudder, made his cock twitch in a desperate bid for attention, made him  _ squirm _ and go hot all over. He clenched his hands in the bedsheets, breathing shallowly. “Yes Sir-  _ AHA _ !” 

The first smack to his arse caught him completely off guard. It was sharp and loud and it rang off the walls of their tiny bedroom. Before Sirius even had a chance to respond to it, Remus’ hand came down again, twice, in the same spot. He couldn’t do much more than gasp; the sting of the slap spreading over his skin.

“ _ Fuck! _ ” Sirius all-but yelped; back arching, hips stuttering forwards as if they couldn’t decide whether to get away from the pain or push back into it.

Remus released his hold on Sirius’ hair to place his hand on the small of Sirius’ back. “Be still, baby.” His other hand came down again, harder this time and on the opposite side. “And I told you to _ watch your mouth _ .” 

Biting back another swear, Sirius clenched his eyes shut, fingers tightening in the bedsheets. He couldn’t ignore the way his cock twitched again at the tone of Remus’ voice, at the pain steadily washing over him.  _ Where the hell was Remus dredging this up from? _ Sirius knew he had that hardened bit inside of him; the Army brat, the sarcastic little bastard, but never  _ this _ . “Yes Sir,” he ushered out, toes curling into the carpet.

Remus’ hand was coming down in a quick pattern, alternating between cheeks but keeping the same, steady, stinging force. He occasionally stopped to knead the hot flesh of Sirius’ backside, or to bend over and kiss the small of his back and whisper endless praise into his ear. 

“Now Sirius, I want to ask you a question and I want you to answer me as best as you can…” 

_ SMACK _ .

Sirius moaned, unsure whether it was in pleasure or pain, but he didn’t  _ care _ . “Yessir.”

“There’s no wrong answer, but I need you to listen and be honest with me…” Remus’ fingers stroked over the tender skin, which Sirius was sure must be bright red, or possibly bruised by now. “Tell me about what you felt the other night… what happened that upset you?” 

“Ah… I--I don’t know.” Sirius gritted his teeth. Remus was choosing  _ now _ \--when Sirius just wanted to switch off and sink into this--to play Twenty Questions?

Remus hesitated for the briefest of moments before his hand came down to spank Sirius again. “That’s alright.” He rubbed the abused flesh, and then smacked him again twice: once on each cheek. “Color, please?” 

Sirius breathed. Those ones  _ hurt _ , but he wanted it. He wanted to sink into this; he wanted it to hurt. He wanted  _ Remus _ to hurt him. “Green.”

The smacks stopped for a moment, so Remus could fix Sirius’ posture, or for him to be able to cup and tease between his legs–-but, other than that, they kept coming: hard and hot. Sirius had to wonder if Remus’ hand must hurt as much as Sirius’ arse did; but it hardly mattered. 

At some point, with his face pressed into the sheets to try and muffle his gasps-turned-moans, Sirius was struck with a realisation; caught somewhere between floating away on sensation and stuck here with Remus’ question floating in his brain. 

“Ten more, baby. Five on each side. I want you to count them out for me, alright?”

“Yes--yes Sir,” Sirius mumbled, his brain swimming with pain and pleasure and all these thoughts.

The first smack came down hard on his right cheek.

“One.”

The next came down on his left, and Remus paused to knead and rub there for a second, probably more for the sake of his own hand than for Sirius’. 

Sirius sniffed, pressing his face into the sheets. “Two.” All these thoughts swirling around his head, Remus’ question, Remus’ hand on his arse... The next two strikes came down very quickly and lower, just at the crease of his arse and thigh, and they  _ stung _ . Sirius gritted his teeth; the pain radiated, and then a singular thought floated up and cleared out in his mind. It was like the filter between his brain and his mouth--the bit that worked most of the time to stop him blurting out the terrible things he wanted to do, the things he wanted Remus to do to him–- had been turned off entirely. Sirius felt molten, loose-limbed, and his mind was quiet. Instead of the usual cacophony of thoughts, Sirius just had one, singular moment clear in his mind.

“You left,” he blurted, gasping in a breath before he hurried out his counts. “Three, four.”

The slaps stopped instantly. “I-” Remus’ breath hitched. “W-what?” 

The sudden stop jarred Sirius more than Remus’ words. “Why--why did you stop? Green, green.” 

Remus’ hand came down sharper and harder this time than any other. “I stopped because I decide when to stop and when to continue, Sirius.” Another two smacks followed. 

“Ah! ‘Kay, okay!” 

“Count?” 

“Sorry--sorry. Five, six!”

“ _ Sorry _ ..?”

“Sorry  _ Sir! _ ”

_ SMACK. _

“Tell me how it made you feel, Sirius.” 

Sirius gasped again, clenching his eyes shut. He’d dig his heels in, usually; tell Remus he’s not talking about that or to just shut up and fuck him, but here? It was different. Nothing else mattered outside of this little bubble; he and Remus. He didn’t need to think, didn’t think he  _ could _ . It just  _ was _ . Only  _ this _ existed, and he was safe. Remus had him, and it was okay to feel everything and nothing, all at once.

“Ah--it--it-- _ fuck _ . You left, and I--I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“Count…”  _ SMACK. _

“Seven, eight--sorry Sir!”

“Very good...two more.” 

The last two slaps landed on him and felt like fire burning all over, tingling throughout his whole body. Sirius groaned, panting hard.

“Nine, t--ten.”

Everything went very still for a moment after, and then some shuffling from behind him as Remus dropped to his knees and began to pepper kisses all over burning skin. “So, so good, love.” 

Sirius shivered, moaning softly. “Ah… yes, Sir.”

“Get up onto the bed, baby. Be careful, lie on your back.” 

“Yes, Sir…” Sirius sniffed, climbing onto the bed with shaking limbs. He could barely think or breathe, floating away on his pain, but in the best possible way. Everything was soft and pliant and wonderful.  _ What now? _

\----

Remus had to admit he’d jumped a little more than he would’ve liked when Sirius came storming back into the flat an hour early. Just one look at his boyfriend’s face and Remus knew something was wrong.

_ Regulus. The Court Case.  _ No matter how much time passed by, or how much distance Sirius put between himself and his family, it seemed as though he would never fully let go of the feeling that  _ that was supposed to be him.  _ Sirius still had the ties to those awful people, and seeing Regulus on the news, supporting an equally awful man--a childhood friend probably--had to be more than a little rough. It didn’t help that they were so visually similar. A quick glance and it could well be Sirius in front of the courthouse. 

Remus wanted to take him by the shoulders, shake his boyfriend, insist that he was wrong and take the pain away. He wanted to rip those thoughts out of Sirius’ head because he didn’t deserve to feel that way. He couldn’t fix it if Sirius refused time and time again to admit he felt anything at all, though. 

It had clicked very suddenly in Remus’ mind that maybe he could. Though it did make him feel a little uneasy at first, like perhaps he was tricking Sirius into opening up, or selfishly using Sirius’ current panic for his own guilty pleasure...

But then Sirius was bent over the foot of the bed before Remus, feet apart, naked, gorgeous, and  _ all his _ . Sirius’ face was flushed, and the pink tinge of blood high beneath his skin was creeping down his neck and chest. 

He looked so relaxed, so at ease; even as Remus’ hand came down at a brutal pace, leaving harsh, hot, reddened marks on the otherwise flawless, pale flesh of his arse cheeks. Sirius had made the most  _ obscene _ noises, between counting the slaps Remus was delivering. Then he’d gone and said it-- _ you left _ . 

Remus’ breath caught in his throat and he stumbled in his rhythm for a moment. The idea that he had caused Sirius to feel unsafe in any way didn’t sit right.  _ ‘I thought you weren’t coming back’ _ .

It made his stomach drop and he had to swallow past the desire to stop everything altogether and just hold his boyfriend in his arms and apologize over and over and swear to never let it happen again. But that wasn’t what Sirius needed right now; it wasn’t what  _ Remus _ needed right now.

_ Green… green!  _

Remus shook the guilt from his mind. He had to keep going. Wanted to,  _ needed _ to. The tenth slap seemed to ring through the still air of the bedroom; Sirius breathing raggedly and Remus finding his own breath was short and uneven. Remus’ fingerprints were on Sirius’ skin, marred in, and it was sort of breathtaking. With a soft noise, Remus sank to his knees and pressed gentle kisses over the flesh, feeling the heat of Sirius’ skin. 

Sirius was making the sweetest sounds as Remus continued to lavish him affectionate and apologetic kisses. Fuck, he was so perfect and gorgeous. He had just given Remus everything he had never dared to give anyone before-- Honesty, trust…

“Get up on the bed, baby. Carefully, lie back…” Remus’ voice trembled slightly while he watched Sirius climb up onto their bed with equally shaky limbs. Remus followed closely behind, settling between Sirius’ legs and immediately leaning forward to kiss his way down the beautiful man’s chest, his quivering stomach and lower. Remus wasted no time with teasing as he normally would when he got to Sirius’ cock–-which was standing straight and hard and painfully red from lack of attention--swallowing the whole thing down in one fluid movement, moaning blissfully when he felt the head hit the back of his throat. He wanted to pour everything into the other man. He wanted to give him praise and love and reward him for opening up, and for being so very good, and for just _ existing _ .

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Sirius breathed, hips jerking up to thrust into Remus’ mouth, pressing deep and almost,  _ almost _ making him gag. 

Remus bobbed his head up and down before pulling back, swirling his tongue as he did and dipping it into the slit. He had to swallow a breath before he could speak, mouth dry. “Come for me, baby. Be a good boy and come in my mouth for me…” 

Remus took Sirius’ cock back into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and letting Sirius fuck into his throat. He reached up with one hand, carefully cupping and squeezing Sirius’ balls, sliding one finger back to massage the sensitive spot just behind them until finally Sirius threw his head back; a strangled moan spilling from his mouth. 

Remus pushed him all the way to the back of his throat as Sirius came, swallowing dutifully and continuing to suck until Sirius had nothing left to give. Remus felt him relax into the mattress, and only then did he pull back; peppering kisses over Sirius’ hips and upper thighs. Unhurried but keenly aware that he wanted Sirius bundled up in his arms, Remus crawled back up the length of his lover’s body, pressing a loving kiss to his lips. 

“Good boy. That was perfect…you did so well. I’m so proud of you.” 

Body still twitching with the aftershocks; Sirius kissed back, breathing heavily. “Thank--thank you, Sir.”

Remus stretched out beside him, sitting up against the headboard and carefully pulling Sirius into his lap. “Come ‘ere,” he whispered, his voice rough from Sirius’ cock down his throat. He was surprised when the other man didn’t argue about being cradled against him like a baby and just let Remus cuddle him close, settling his head on Remus’ shoulder. He wasn’t entirely sure if Sirius was all  _ here _ , but Remus wouldn’t be going anywhere. 

Remus’ fingers stroked through his hair. “I’m so, so proud of you, Sirius.” He said again, pressing his lips to the top of Sirius’ head. “Fuck, you have no idea… that was just… shit, you’re so fucking beautiful and perfect…” 

“Did you like it?” Sirius murmured, not lifting his head from Remus’ shoulder; limbs just growing heavier and heavier.

_ What a silly question _ . Remus chuckled softly, canting his hips a bit to press his still hard cock against Sirius. Was that enough of an answer for him? Remus thought it was amazing, the feeling of being in complete control. Watching Sirius’ body go from stubbornly tight and tense to loose and relaxed, nearly melting into the bed. Remus swore he had felt the air in the room shift the moment Sirius let go and gave in, letting his mind go blank, and it was all because of him. 

Only a second later, though, Remus saw Sirius wince and quickly sat back on his heels. It must have been uncomfortable with Sirius’ raw, red skin against the rough material of Remus’ jeans. “Shit, sorry...but, yes, I loved it...thank you.”

Sirius smiled, as if he found something funny, but didn’t voice it. “Do you want a hand with that?” He asked, lowly, sliding his hand down between them to press over the bulge in Remus’ jeans.

Remus shook his head. “No. Right now I want to take care of you.” He waited after that. Waited for everything to suddenly stop, for Sirius to grumble about not being fragile and to push away and close himself off again.

Sirius finally lifted his head from Remus’ shoulder, fixing him with a sharp look Remus knows too well. “I’m fine, it’s okay.”

“I want to take care of _ me _ then,” Remus insisted, carefully pressing Sirius’ head back down to where it was. “And it would make me feel better to give you a proper cuddle after I’ve just beaten your arse red, thank you very much.” 

Sirius pressed his lips together, grumbling in the back of his throat. “I’m not… I don’t need coddling, Remus.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Remus continued to brush his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I know you don’t, love.” He kissed the top of Sirius’ head. “However, I think you’ll find you can enjoy being looked after without feeling like you’re being treated as an invalid. Unless you’d like for me to stop petting you?”

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “No,” he mumbled, tilting his head slightly towards Remus’ touch. 

Some part of Remus’ brain felt quite triumphant at that, and he smirked against the dark hair. “I thought as much. Good boys like to be petted, and they deserve it. You deserve it…”

“Mmm, thank you,” Sirius hummed. He was relaxing more and more; his voice low and calm. This was a hell of a lot better than after the last scene. Sirius didn’t seem lost, or confused, or upset. In fact, the very air in the room felt wonderfully still and relaxed, and Remus felt himself relaxing into it as well; content to continue to hold and pet his boyfriend for as long as he could.

\-----

Sirius wasn’t sure of how long he had been tucked against Remus’ side, feeling more than a little out of it –-perhaps he had even dozed off for a bit-- when Remus shifted just a little. He had one arm around Sirius’ waist still, but it loosened just a bit. Sirius made a soft noise of protest, twisting a little.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” Remus murmured. “Only, I want to take these trousers off. They probably don’t feel too good on your arse, and I want to have a look at you, anyway.” 

Sirius hummed again, not really wanting to move at all, but he figured Remus would just be able to move him. “S’fine, just stay here.”

“I am, baby. I’m staying here, I just want to get undressed, okay?” Remus’ voice was so gentle. Sirius felt the press of his boyfriend’s lips against his forehead as he shackled his fingers around Remus’ wrist to reassure himself that he was  _ here _ .

After some maneuvering around, Remus stripped down to his boxers and settled back down, somehow without dislodging Sirius’ fingers from his wrist. 

“Let me take a look, come ‘ere.” Remus grinned and pulled Sirius to lie across his lap. Sirius protested, digging his heels into the sheets.

_ “Remus! _ ” He felt his cheeks flush bright red, trying to squirm away. Remus could bend him over the sofa and spank every coherent thought out of him, but being sprawled across his lap like a naughty schoolboy was entirely different. “Oi.”

“For heaven’s sake, Sirius, just be still and go along with it, will you?” There was a hint of laughter behind Remus’ voice that made Sirius want to squirm away even more, or just elbow him in the ribs, but Remus held him firmly by the hips, giving them a light squeeze. “Be good.” 

_ Oh _ , that did it. Sirius felt a tremor of something satisfactory run through him.  _ Be good _ . With a long exhale, Sirius sank down, his knees and forehead pressed into the mattress, his hips against Remus’ thighs. He still felt embarrassingly vulnerable, but the sheets felt cool against his skin, and he was Remus’ good boy. He was okay. 

“S’it all red?” Sirius asked, his cheek a little squished by the mattress, but he didn’t want to move. He wasn’t sure if he  _ could _ move.

“Yeah,” Remus breathed, sounding completely awed by it. His fingers trembled as they stroked over Sirius’ arse. “Fuck, you’ll probably have bruises… it’s even a bit raised here.” His forefinger traced over one spot on Sirius’ right cheek, leaving a lasting tingling sensation in its wake. “And here…” He did the same on the left, closer to the crease of Sirius’ arse and thigh. “ _ Fuck _ …” 

Sirius nodded, pressing his face more into the mattress, entirely surprised by the hot tears gathering around his lashes. Fuck, why was he getting emotional? The sound of Remus’ voice, so pleased and awed, stunned by what he had done to Sirius; what Sirius had given him. He sniffed again, determined not to cry, but he felt a little lightheaded.

Remus’ fingers continued to pet him. “Good boy...you’re alright…” 

“Ye--yeah.” Sirius nodded, closing his eyes to try and stop the tears slipping down his cheeks. If Remus said he was alright, then he was alright.

“Breathe, love...it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere…” 

“Don’t leave,” Sirius choked out, one hand coming down to grip Remus’ knee. “Stay, you have to stay.”

“Shhh...I’m not going to leave. I’m staying right here.” Remus shifted again, repositioning them both so that Sirius was back in his lap, against his chest. He kissed every bit of Sirius’ face and hair that he could reach and then, being as subtle as he could, thumbed away the wetness beneath Sirius’ lashes. “I love you. Fuck, Sirius, I love you so much. You are so perfect.” 

Sirius nodded, closing his eyes and letting Remus just kiss him. “I love you.”

“You have to let it out, love. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere…” Remus pulled the blanket up over them. “You’re my good boy. That’s all you ever have to be, you understand that, right?” 

“I… yeah?”

“Good…”

Sirius mumbled, pressing his face into Remus’ neck. “I just have to be a good boy?” For some reason that made Sirius’ chest tighten. That was all? He just had to listen and be good for Remus –-For  _ Remus _ , who deserved Sirius’ love and devotion and trust-- and nothing else was expected of him. No inheriting of family businesses, no expectations of becoming some bootlicking, corrupt defense attorney who got swept into political scandals with equally corrupt scumbags…

Just kneel. Obey. Be good and trust that Remus wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

Yes. That was what he wanted out of this. That was what he had been looking for when he had suggested all of this Dom/sub stuff in the first place. After years and years of fighting against people who wanted to control him and turn him into something he wasn’t, he wanted to let go. He wanted to stop fighting and just give in; to trust that the person he was giving in to wouldn’t make him do something he didn’t want to do. 

Remus nodded. “Yes, love. That’s all I expect of you. That’s all I ever want you to worry about… you’re very, very good at it so far, by the way.” 

Sirius nodded again, letting out a sigh. Remus’ praise loosened that tightness in his chest. That was all he had to worry about.

“Sirius? Are you alright if I ask you about the scene?”

“Yeah. You can ask.” Sirius swallowed. He felt as if he were waiting for the drop, like last time. Waiting to feel cold and alone, angry. But he wasn’t alone, because Remus was here; staying here. And Sirius wasn’t cold because there was a blanket over them both.

“How does a bath sound? You’re probably a bit sore… we can soak a bit. I’ll wash your hair and we can talk about everything.” 

Sirius nodded. A bath sounded wonderful. He wasn’t a huge fan of them, usually, but now the warm water and being cuddled up with Remus sounded like exactly what he needed. Perhaps he could get used to this. “Yeah, yeah, please.”

Remus slipped out of bed looking pleasantly rumpled with his messy curls; standing in only his boxers. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more, and bit his lip. For a fond, brief moment, Sirius thought that man was far too _ adorable _ to have been the one who had just given him the most brutal spanking of his life. 

“Er… is it alright if I go fill the tub? I don’t want you to think… I know you asked me not to leave you on your own.” 

Sirius groaned, sitting up. “I’ll… I can come with you?” He wasn’t sure if he could  _ stand, _ but he didn’t want to stay lying here.

Remus smiled softly at him. “‘Course you can. I think you should probably have some water as well, yeah? D’you need some help getting up?” 

“No, no, I’m good.” Sirius dragged the blanket with him, looping it around his shoulders like a cape. He definitely  _ didn’t _ need help getting up. He wavered just a little, clenching his jaw in determination. “I’m good.”

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes, moving closer to slide his arm around Sirius’ waist and Sirius couldn’t help but lean most of his weight into his boyfriend, allowing Remus to lead him slowly towards the bathroom. 

“You’re such a stubborn twat, you know that? Who exactly are you trying to impress?” Remus asked, chuckling softly.

“You, like always,” Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth. “Myself. And I know I’m a twat. I’m stubborn and awful and you love me.”

Remus tutted and shook his head. He gave Sirius a gentle nudge to make him sit on the toilet, still wrapped in the blanket. “You don’t need to impress me, Sirius. You do so without trying, just so you know. Always.” He filled a glass by the sink with water and pressed it into Sirius’ hands. “Drink this. Slowly, please.” 

Sirius nodded. Usually he’d say something dry and sarcastic in response, but this felt nice; to let Remus get him water, to see him fill the tub, to let him wrap his arm around Sirius’ waist. “Okay,” he said softly, taking a sip.

Remus turned his back to him for a moment to bend down and turn the taps on the bathtub, fussing with the water’s temperature. “I should beat your arse more often,” He said, humorously. “You’re rather agreeable like this. I could get used to it.” 

“Oi!” Sirius reached out from his blanket cape and swatted Remus on the thigh as he laughed. “Here am I trying to be  _ nice _ , and I get sass?”

“Now you know how the rest of the world feels dealing with you.” 

Sirius narrowed his eyes, huffing. “Touché,” he said, begrudgingly. 

Remus turned back around, taking a seat on the edge of the tub. “Speaking of beating your arse… er… how’d you feel about that?” 

Sirius smiled at the way Remus managed to shoe-horn the conversation back on track. He never was very subtle with things like that. But then the smile dropped when he realised he had to  _ answer _ the question about his damn feelings. He swallowed, rubbing a hand through his hair. “I… I liked it. A lot.”

Remus hummed happily in response. “I liked it, too. I didn’t hit you too hard, right?” 

Sirius smirked. “Define too hard.”

“You little shit… I mean it, though. There wasn’t anything that made you uncomfortable in a bad way, right?” He dipped his hand into the water, checking it again and then turning the taps off.

Sirius watched his hand. He didn’t make a habit of avoiding eye contact but here he was. “Ah… no. I mean, it hurt like a bitch, Remus,” he said, dragging his gaze up to Remus’ face. “But I liked it.”

Remus grinned back at him. “It’s supposed to hurt.” He pushed himself up off the edge of the tub and bent to press a kiss to Sirius’ nose. “I’m glad you liked it. You seem to feel a lot better this time, also.” He took the glass from Sirius’ hands and set it aside on the edge of the bath before wriggling out of his own boxers and reaching out a hand to help Sirius stand. 

Sirius shrugged off the blanket cape, taking Remus’ hand as he went a little lightheaded. As he stepped into the bath--just the right temperature, Remus was good at that--he gave his boyfriend a one-sided little smile. “By which you mean I’m not freaking out entirely and scaring you?”

“More or less.” Remus shrugged. He stepped into the tub as well and sat, pulling Sirius slowly down with him to settle between his legs, against his chest. Sirius relaxed, wincing at the sting of the water against his no-doubt bruised arse. It was a good kind of sting, though, strangely. He tipped his head back and pressed a kiss to Remus’ jaw. Everything was okay.

\---

Remus laid back against the cool tile of the bathtub, his hands automatically sliding to Sirius’ hips and then around to his front, stroking the warm, toned muscles of his stomach. This was so much better than the last time, and Remus was immensely proud of how well Sirius had taken everything. The pain from the spanking was one thing; Remus knew Sirius could handle that and probably more. (He shuddered pleasantly at the thought of just how much further he would be able to push Sirius next time.) But this –-allowing Remus to actually fuss over him, care for him, and to actually open up to him-- this was more impressive than enduring any physical pain Remus thought he’d be capable of administering. 

Sirius was relaxed against him, his stomach rising and falling slightly beneath Remus’ hand. “I reckon my arse is going to be bruised for days.”

Remus swore under his breath, arching his hips –-and his still half hard, untouched cock-- against the cleft of Sirius’ arse. “Fuck, I can’t believe how turned-on the idea of your arse being bruised makes me? Is that strange?” It definitely felt like it should be wrong. He shouldn’t want to hurt his lover so badly that he had lasting marks. It sent such a rush of power through him. The idea that he could do that sort of thing, mixed with the fact that Sirius _ wanted _ him to and  _ trusted  _ him to do it. He leaned his forehead against the back of Sirius’ head and squeezed his lover’s hips gently. 

Sirius made a rich noise in the back of his throat, still relaxed against Remus but with one hand creeping up his thigh. “I don’t think so,” he said, lowly, shifting his hips back against Remus. God, he knew exactly what he was doing, too, Remus was sure; the way that his cock pressed against Sirius’ arse. “About as strange as it turning me on, too, hm?” Remus could  _ hear _ his smile. “Thinking about how bruised my arse is whilst you’re at work, trying to concentrate?”

Remus huffed out a laugh. “Shit, love…” He kissed the back of Sirius’ neck, then grazed his teeth over the same spot. He was already imagining what it would be like tomorrow; seeing his own cock slide between the reddened or even slightly purple cheeks as he fucked his boyfriend over the sofa, or on his hands and knees on their bed. 

“Hmm.” Sirius sounded very smug, which was rich, considering Remus was the one spanking him minutes before. “I thought so.”

Remus was about to make a lurid comment about the things he thought about while at work, but his thoughts were rather rudely disrupted by the reality of what really was going on back at his office, and the connection to what had Sirius so panicked earlier that day. He gently wrapped his fingers around Sirius’ wrist before the wandering hand on his thigh could go any further. “We can get back to that later…” Remus kissed the side of Sirius’ neck, down to his shoulder while he reached blindly for the shampoo bottle, pouring a bit into his hand. 

“For right now, I just… I’m so proud of you for opening up like this and letting me take care of you. This whole… Dom/sub thing, I don’t want it to just be about me hurting you and ordering you about so that you can block out the world for a bit. You do that just fine on your own.” He lathered up his hands and began to run them through the damp, tangled locks of Sirius’ hair, digging his blunt nails into Sirius’ scalp the way he knew the other man liked. “The scene isn’t over just because the cuffs have come off, or you aren’t having your arse beat… aftercare is a part of it. It’s a test of trust and vulnerability, and I know that’s very difficult for you, but I won’t allow you to fight me over it, is that clear?” 

He held his breath after that, waiting for Sirius to go tense in his arms or perhaps to pull away completely and call the whole thing off. Maybe it wouldn’t be as worth it to Sirius if it had to be more than just being manhandled and fucked into a mindless stupor. They both had already experienced just why that wouldn’t work. 

Sirius was quiet for a moment. Remus could feel him tense, just as he expected, going very still in the way that always made Remus think of the eye of a storm. “Right…” He was quiet for a little longer. “Researched all that, did you?”

Remus laughed a little louder than he meant to at that and tugged playfully at Sirius’ hair. “Maybe a little.” He admitted, breathing a sigh of relief that Sirius hadn’t completely flipped the switch and decided that this was no longer what he wanted. “I did do research on the importance of aftercare, yes, but I also just… I love you, Sirius. I want you to be able to let your guard down and let me take care of you, no matter what you’re feeling. And I want you to trust that it’s safe to feel whatever you need to with me… and I want to be able to feel that way with you, as well.” 

“Yeah…” Sirius’ voice was a little softer now, sliding the palm of his hand over Remus’ arm. “I love you too. I’m… you know what I’m like, obviously. I  _ know _ I’m closed off and can’t do feelings.” Sirius shifted a little, and Remus wondered if he was uncomfortable talking of one of his least favourite subjects. “I like this, though. I like sitting here with you.”

Remus smiled and continued to scrub the shampoo into Sirius’ hair; his stomach flipping happily as the other man seemed to melt into the feeling. “I like it too.” He hummed softly and reached around to place two fingers under Sirius’ chin, tilting his head back. “Eyes closed so I can rinse you, alright?” 

Sirius just hummed in response, his eyes closing. He looked so peaceful like that, like some pre-Raphaelite oil painting.

Remus grabbed the glass he had used for Sirius’ water earlier and used it to rinse the suds from his lover’s hair, carefully avoiding his eyes and around his ears. Something in his chest tugged as he watched the rivulets run down from the ends of Sirius’ hair, down his broad shoulders and chest and disappearing back into the bath water. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful…” He breathed out, feeling his own cheeks heat up. Even being together for as long as they’d been, it wasn’t like them to be like this -- soft and open. They loved each other, they told each other that much a fair amount, but that was about as sappy as they got, unless they were in bed. Remus found he couldn’t help it at the moment though. He was stunned, as he always was, at the fact this man in his arms was  _ his _ . 

He could see Sirius’ expression changing, going warm and soft; then the teasing raise of one eyebrow. “Maybe I  _ should _ let you beat my arse more often if you’re going to inflate my ego so much.” He chuckled, eyes still closed. “S’nice.”

“Keep that up and I’ll beat that ego right out of you.” Remus muttered, frowning despite the fond flutter in his stomach. “You could use a swift kick off your pedestal now and then.” He began to run some conditioner through Sirius’ hair. “Don’t make me regret paying you a compliment. We can get out of this tub and I’ll take you over my knee right here and give you some more bruises.” 

Sirius’ breath hitched, the smile on his face quirking with something. “Not tonight, I’m comfy here.” He let his hand fall to Remus’ knee, giving it a slight squeeze. “I mean it, though. It’s nice here with you… I… it’s nice.”

Remus finished up, rinsing Sirius’ hair again and leaning back to relax. He kissed the top of Sirius’ head and wrapped his arms around him. “Mmm. It is. What d’you think we stay here a while longer, then get back to bed, share a smoke and get some sleep, eh?” 

“Hmm, perfect.”

Remus sighed contentedly, tipping his head back against the edge of the tub and closing his eyes. “Good boy.” 


End file.
